Skip to main content
Here's what's going through my mind...

I can't do this anymore. I can't live out of bags, and I can't be a burden to anyone. All I want to do is be myself again. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to do that here in California. This is the one place I hate. Even though the weather is great, I hate every other thing about this place. I don't like how I've had to live here.

My nails are raggedy. My hair is horrid. My weight is out of control. And my heart is heavy. I've never felt so low, so completely out of control and out of sync with what I know to be good and true in all my life.

I wish there was someone to blame, but I don't know who that person could possibly be. I didn't have a full-time job before Granny died, but now it's just getting ridiculous...

And then, I get hungry. And as I look for something to eat, Mr. Wonderful says, "I was just about to pop you some popcorn." I love you works for some girls, but the way to my heart is the white fluffy stuff.

I love this man. Things aren't always great, but he's awesome -- even when he's operating in his humanity. This is where we are right now.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Yeah...About That...

I'm watching Scandal, and Mellie was talking about how lonely it is to be the president. She spoke about how men have a problem with regular powerful women, but being the leader of the free world comes with a chastity belt.
I get it.
I'm nowhere near the leader of the free world. I'm not even the leader of free lunch, but I get it. If men perceive you to have one more drop of power than they do, they can't handle it.
This is my life. At least it is when it comes to the men I've known.
It's not even like that for me.
I don't even have enough juice to get what I want at work.
But yet I'm seen as intimidating. 
Yeah...right.