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I was listening to Lauryn Hill's Ex-Factor, and I was struck by was the poignancy of the lyrics:

It could all be so simple,
But you'd rather make it hard.
Loving you is like a battle,
And we both end up with scars.
I started thinking about the scars we carry from relationships. My girlfriends and I have had our hearts broken, but we still try again. I've always thought we're just resilient that way. Meanwhile, the guys that get their hearts broken usually seem to live by the adage, "The best way to get over an old love is to get under a new one."

As I listened to the urgency in Lauryn's delivery and reflected on the ultimate destruction of her career -- thanks to her alleged relationship with Wyclef -- I had to revisit my original thoughts. I've had my share of heartaches, but I haven't been destroyed. The closest I've come was with the ex in New York. However, I'm giving more to Mr. Wonderful than I've ever given, and my heart is a little more fragile now.

If our love doesn't last, I don't know that I'll be able to bounce back. It'll be much harder for me to ignore my feelings and try again. That's not to say I won't, but that's what's on my mind right now.

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Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.