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The Beginning of the End...

The Bible says that sin is only good for a season. Unfortunately, that season is now over, and I'm done with Mr. Wonderful. Don't get me wrong. I still love him and probably always will, but this cohabitation situation has made me see that I'm not in love with him. In addition, there are some things on which I cannot and will not compromise.

For one, I want a family. Even though I'm almost 40, I would like to be a wife and a mother. At this point in my life, there's no guarantee that babies are in my future. However, I don't want the option not to exist. Mr. Wonderful has already been there and done that and has no interest in going that route again. He hasn't come out and said it like that -- even though I wish he would -- but he's always hemming and hawing when the subject comes up.

Another thing that's important to me is my faith. I love the Lord Jesus Christ. If it's in the Bible, I'm all for it. Am I a perfect and holy person all the time? Not hardly -- as evidenced by the cohabitation situation. However, I believe and I strive to be as faithful as I possibly can. Mr. Wonderful believes in God, but that's about it. It seems to me that he'd rather rely on astrology, numerology, and The History Channel for his guidance and wisdom.

So where does that leave Mr. Wonderful and me? It's hard to say right now. On one hand, he still treats me like a queen and I love that. He's a great guy, and he will make someone else a wonderful companion. However, I'm not the one and I have to get out of this as soon as I possibly can. Stay tuned...


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Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.


So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.