Skip to main content

Out With the Old...In With the New

So 2011 is slowly but surely coming to a close. If you're like me, you're taking these last few days to reflect on this year...and trying to figure out what you can do to make the next year better.

As I've said before, 2011 has been a year that really defies words. Between losing people I love to changing jobs, I'm still not able to talk about it. When I am, believe me, you'll be the first to know.

What I can talk about is what I'd like to see in 2012. I'd like to lick this weight problem once and for all. I want to commit to myself in a way I haven't before. That means daily exercise, cooking, and shopping on a weekly basis. I don't know if I'll be able to maintain all that, but it's a goal.

I also want to decorate my apartment. Since I've been in LA, I've moved five times. Naturally, I haven't felt stable. But now that I'm in my 40s, I need to have a place I'm proud to bring people to. I need to be able to have company whenever I want. So, I'm gonna make this place like home. I've already bought one of those dispensers for my toilet rolls and a bathroom scale. I've never had those before. Also, I found some cute things for my walls...AND (this is the biggie) I have living room furniture. An actual loveseat and chair! Beige leather, very good condition...and only $60. (Yes, it was an awesome deal and yes, I'm feeling pretty sexy about myself right now.)

And finally, I want to start saving money. I've never been good at that because I'm a shopaholic. But this year, I want to commit to saving at least $20 a week. I know it's not much, but it's a start. And for me, it's huge.

I guess what I ultimately want for myself is to act like the grownup I'm supposed to be. And I want to be the kind of person that someone would want to love. That's what's most important to me...to work on being the best me I can be while I wait for my Mr. Wonderful.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.

My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.