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And So It Begins...Again...

My Teddy Bear & I are official. After spending an adorable Valentine's Day together, he asked me how I'd feel if we were to stop dating and be in a relationship. I readily agreed because I love him (even though I haven't told him yet.) It's only been a month, but I think he's got the goods.

So why did I have a New Boo moment?

MTB and I went to see Daley in concert last night. (SN: If he comes to your town, I highly recommend you going. He's dope, for sure, but his opening act was great, too. Katy Shotter is her name. Just saying...) One of my favorite songs in "Be." The lyrics say, "If don't know what to say, I promise not to make you feel bad. You're not the only one afraid to say you're still in love."

When I was going through the thick of my pain, I longed to hear NB say that he loved me. Even though every one of his actions said otherwise, I wanted it so bad. Thankfully, I moved past that into this new reality, but hearing Daley sing those words took me right back to that place. MTB was standing behind me, so he didn't see the cloud of tears that passed briefly over my face. I'm glad because I swear I didn't want to explain that foolishness.

And straight up, that's all it was -- pure foolishness. MTB is one of the better things to happen to me in a long time, and I have a feeling that he's gonna bring to fruition all the things TMFKATO and NB couldn't.

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I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.