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Marathon vs. Sprint

This man is going to teach me how to be in a relationship. He's going to make me a better woman because he's going to balance me out. I didn't know how off-kilter I really was.

My Teddy Bear, in the role of my new boyfriend, got his social debut at our very first Chicken & Tequila party. (And yes, that's all we had -- chicken and tequila.) He came, he saw, he played cards, played with the kids, and completely charmed and impressed my friends. Then we came home.

I knew he was tired, so I didn't trip when he conked out on me when we got home. But when we got up the next day, I was kinda bummed when he said he was tired. But then we had a discussion, and now I see the error of my freaky ways.

Inasmuch as I've wanted a relationship, I've never really known how to get past relations. New Boo wasn't able to help me because he was so busy hiding. Since he didn't offer me insight into him, I took sex to mean intimacy. And while I've always known that relations don't equal a relationship, no one's REALLY offered me the whole enchilada. So I took all of that I could get while waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It's a sick, vicious cycle...one I've become too accustomed to. And MTB knows better -- which is why he said what he said. So now, I'm going to truly learn what a real relationship looks like and how it works. In other words, the marathon vs. the sprint.

I hope I'm up for the challenge...

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Some people drink. Some smoke. I like to have sex. It quiets the voices in my head that talk crazy to me. For those brief, shining moments, I get to be the best of me. I'm beautiful, sexy, and desirable. No matter how fat I am, in that moment I'm able to make someone else feel good. That makes me feel good. Also,  I know how to relate on that level, so everything that I perceive to be wrong with me goes out the window.

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Things with New Boo weren't like that. We had a real connection. Or at least I thought we…

The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…