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No Inspiration Here

When my story is written, no one will look at my love life and say, "That was so inspiring."

Not even a little bit.

I'm caught in a crazy castle I built, and I'm the only person who can free me from it.

I love New Boo. No doubt. He does not love me. Again, no doubt. My Teddy Bear loves me. I care for him, but I don't know that I love him now.

So why don't I just walk away? Why not leave him where he stands so he can find someone who'll love him as much as I love New Boo?

Because I don't want to hurt him. Because I haven't been able to tell him how I've been feeling and I don't want to leave him with the same abandon that New Boo left me.

Because I've been broken, I don't want to break him. Inasmuch as he's made me angry and done things I don't like, he doesn't deserve that kind of pain. No one does. I don't care how angry I've been at his blatant manipulation, I don't want to destroy him the way New Boo destroyed me.

Mainly I wonder if these are just first year hiccups. Could I learn to love him if I just stuck it out. Or are we doomed from the start.

I'm sure I'm making it harder than it has to be. I could just dump him and be done. Go pursue the next someone. Make myself available for everything I want. I could do that.

But I don't want to. I just want to settle down and get about the business of living. That's what I want.

So, nope...there's no inspiration over here. Not a bit.

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…