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Been So Long…

It’s been a while since I’ve visited this space to share. What can I say? Life has been life-ing.

I moved back to Texas. I can honestly say that it wasn’t my intention, but it was necessary because I wouldn’t have any peace in New York with my mom’s health in jeopardy.

I finally put New Boo in the rear view. He comes up in my thoughts on occasion, but not like before. I still have love for him…probably always will…but I can function without wondering about him every moment of the day. 

Now it’s all about Tinderfella. If you recall, I met him during the initial breakup. While I recognized him as someone special, I was in no way equipped to be with him. I was too broken. Eight years later, I’m so glad we waited. While I’m probably still crazy on some level, I think we have a real shot.

First let me give some context… 

I was in the middle of doing my show when he hit me up on my fan page. It was strange for two reasons — one, most of my friends just hit me on my regular page, and two, I literally hadn’t heard from him in eight years. We caught up with everything and then he dropped a bombshell that had me twisted.

When New Boo and I broke up, I was a wreck. I was crying every day. Literally. I met Tinderfella in an attempt to move on. Although he was super sweet, I wasn’t in any way ready to receive him and what he offered. I was so jacked up that I found myself in beginning stalker mode. That’s why the opportunity to go to California was so needed. I needed to get out of the city.

Tinderfella had no clue about what was going on with me. That’s why the news of me leaving was so devastating. He told me that he’d planned to ask me to be exclusive that same day.

I was shocked, to say the least. I’m actually glad we didn’t because we probably would’ve hated each other. As it stands, we’re making plans together.

I’m at a loss because I’ve never been here before.

He actually wants the same things I want, and he wants them with me. We talk every day and I feel strange if we go too long without contact. I want to share all my deep, dark secrets with him and he shares his with me. Reciprocity seems to be the name of the game, and I love it.

So why am I terrified?

Most relationships are good until they’re not. This one is so good right now. He makes me want to believe in forever. I see myself standing in front of my friends and family declaring love and devotion to his man…and he doesn’t seem to be opposed to it. He welcomes it. He talks about us like we have a future.

The last time I felt anything close to this was with New Boo. But while he was just saying what I wanted to hear, that doesn’t seem to be the case with Tinderfella. He seems sincere in all the right ways. Of course, until I look in his eyes and see what I want to see, it won’t be completely real.

I do hope it is because I need this in my life right now.


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