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How Do You Know?

How do you know when you’re in love?  For me, it’s always been an all-encompassing thing that won’t stand up to any kind of  denial. That’s how I’m feeling about Tinderfella.

At this point, I can’t see myself with anyone else. He’s what I’ve been waiting for — a nice guy who wants to love me. He has future plans that include me. Even with my suspicious nature, I believe him when he tells me, “This will be the last birthday we’ll spend apart,” or “I see us together a year from now trying to figure out where you’ll be — here in New York with me or somewhere new.” When I was feeling bad around that time of the month, I told him that I felt unloved and uncared for. He said, “That damn sure isn’t true.” (I know that was a little on the dramatic side, but the pain is just that real to me.)

So what’s the problem, you ask? I want to tell him. I’m sure he knows. I believe he loves me, too. But we haven’t said it. Maybe it’s too soon. After all, we haven’t seen each other in eight years. And anyone can say pretty words. I’m a writer. I know.

Still…

My heart smiles every time I see his name come up on my phone. I find myself trying to figure out what kind of wife I’ll be because that’s really all I want to do. I want him to be happy and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it so.

It doesn’t help that he says all the right things. We were talking about his daughters and said that they were definitely “Daddy’s girls.” He then told me, “You’re gonna be a Daddy’s Girl, too.” He doesn’t know how badly I’ve wanted to belong to someone. And yes…I know it sounds crazy, but the “Natural Woman” lyric, “When my heart was in the lost and found, you came along to claim it,” has always resonated with me. As if that wasn’t enough, he responded to his Happy Birthday text with, “Thank you my love.”

I think he already knows, but we haven’t formally declared it. Stay tuned…

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