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In My Feelings...

I'm feeling some kinda way, so please bear with me. So much has happened since we last spoke.

For one, the new guy -- who I'm gonna call My Teddy Bear -- is awesome. I know they all start off that way, but I swear he's different. For one, he's real. What that means is that he's not looking for perfection. He sees me just like I am -- flaws and all -- and he STILL likes me. I honestly don't know how to act, but I'm gonna do my best not to mess this up. For real.

We all know that the true test of a person is how they react in a crisis. For the record, I'm not the best person to have around when things go awry. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's the reality of my life. Fortunately, that's not the case with MTB. As he told me, "I'm a grown man."

I recently decided that it was time to get my health together. So I went and got a physical and a well woman's exam. The well woman exam doctor is someone I saw last year when I was exploring my fertility options. Well, you know the winter kept me from following up on her suggestions...not to mention the fact that I forgot her name. So there were still some lingering questions about my situation. (And before you judge me, please know that I'm a southern girl through and through. I don't do much in the winter if I can help it.)

Anyway, when she got the results from my pelvic sonogram, she sat me down and explained that the placement of my fibroids didn't justify the amount of bleeding I was doing. That situation coupled with the fact that my blood levels were super low made her want to do a biopsy.

Please understand...I don't believe that I have cancer. However, I know that they don't do biopsy for just anything. So I'm a little freaked out. Just a little.

Meanwhile, I had been texting with MTB earlier that day when he told me that he'd lost one of his childhood friends to cancer. I told him that since I was gonna be in the city, I'd stop by his job to do a "drive-by hug." The goal was to comfort him.

Well, you KNOW I was a mess after getting that news. I didn't want to go, but I couldn't really come up with a good reason not to. Since the LAST thing I have is a poker face, he was able to see that something was wrong. I didn't want to tell him, but I didn't want to lie. So I told him. You know what he did? He held me and said, "You're gonna be fine."

While I was still jacked up, I left him and tried to believe that to be true.

The next day wasn't good at all. The medicines I was on had me cramping something terrible -- so terrible, in fact, that I had to go to the emergency room. Mind you, I had plans with MTB that afternoon, but I clearly had to postpone our date. What did he do? Offered to come to the hospital when he got off work and thanked my friend who came with me.

Today, he came over to see about me. We hung out all day, and I made lunch. For the most part, we just enjoyed each other's company. But you KNOW I had to apologize for bringing this madness into his life. He was so understanding and wonderful, basically telling me to shut up or else we'd fight.

I said all this to say that I think I've got a keeper on my hands. Just pray...


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I get it.
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This is my life. At least it is when it comes to the men I've known.
It's not even like that for me.
I don't even have enough juice to get what I want at work.
But yet I'm seen as intimidating. 

Ah Ha!

I didn't do it. It wasn't entirely my fault. New Boo got a whiff of my new thought process and decided I wasn't worth the trouble. And what was it that rubbed him the wrong way?

I told him that I finally saw Jay-Z in a different light because I could see his grown man thought process. That made him mad because he thought I was "starstruck." Considering what I do for a living, that's the LAST thing on my mind. I told him that I liked the way he made up his mind to move away from the mistakes of his youth. His thought was that he could only do that because he had money.

On the contrary. If Jay still had the same mentality he had as a younger man, he might be rich, but he wouldn't have his family. New Boo wants to use anything as an excuse to be a bum. Not my problem, right?

So the foolishness that almost happened didn't. I'm thankful.

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She never made it out.

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She missed everything.

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There are times I wonder how she'd be. Would we still be friends or would our relationship go the way of so many college friendships? Would she be married with kids? Would she be a successful superwoman with …