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The Date

I went on my date. 

I think my life may have changed forever.

Things started out innocently enough. I met him at his job and we went to the restaurant from there. He picked out another place he'd wanted to try, and it was very cool. Even though someone told me to wear jeans, I opted for a dress and boots. My thing was that I wanted to look like I cared, but not like I'd tried too hard.

We had a great time. We ate and walked a bit afterwards. And then he brought me home, because he wanted to make sure I got here safely. (His words, not mine.)

After making out a bit, he said something to me that literally brought me to tears.

He told me that he wants to build a solid foundation with me. That he's after my heart and my mind first. In his opinion, the body will follow. Because he sees big things in our future, he's not to get things out of order. And he wants to earn my trust.

So why did that bring me to tears, you ask?

Because honestly, it's what I've wanted to hear all my life. I've always wanted someone to want ME and not by body. At dinner, he told me he wanted to teach me the rules of football so I could see what a beautiful game it was. That's when he interjected, "See, I'm trying to keep you around for the long haul."

Here's what scares me...he's a big boy. And I don't mean kinda big. I mean can't wrap my arms around him big. And understand -- I knew that when I went out with him and for superficial purposes, it doesn't matter. I dated big guys before with no problems.

But after all the loss I experienced last year, I am NOT in the mood for more of the same. His size and his age are scaring me because I don't want to fall for him and have something happen to him. And straight up...I could see me falling for him because he's adorable.

So here I am...wanting to try again, but afraid to get caught up. 

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…