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A Season

Sin is only good for a season. I'm at the end of mine.

I finally allowed Juice to have what he wanted. And guess what? It was good for me, too. Honestly, it was the first time in forever that someone satisfied me as much -- or at least in a comparable fashion -- as New Boo. I thought I'd found my placebo drug.

Then I got greedy. I wanted it again -- this time on my terms. I picked the spot and we went. When it was over, I looked around the beautiful room in the beautiful part of town and got sad. I didn't want to be with him. He has the personality of paint drying...with the penis of Dirk Digler. I can't do it. I swear.

New Boo is an awful, awful man. He doesn't want to be with me. He wants to use me for his convenience. That's all it'll ever be now.

There are times when I'd rather have a portion of his time to pretend that there's love there. I know there's not, but I can paint that picture in my brain. I can make myself believe that he still wants to be with me. That there's a chance for us to reclaim the love I never let go of.

But when it's over...when his presence is gone again...I'm right back at square one. I'm tired of this.

That's the main reason I got a counselor -- to help me understand why I feel this way. Why my heart can't let it go of this man who has obviously let go of me. I do not understand why I'm here. Again.

And yet I am. ***Sigh***

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