Excerpts from the Diary of a Diva

The handwriting is on the wall. I see it, and while it's painful, I have to plan accordingly. I have to protect myself and try not to become bitter. New Boo is falling out of love with me. He can deny it if he wants to, but I see it. He can't hide his disgust and disdain with me, and there's nothing I can do to make it better because I don't know where it all went wrong. When he left for work this morning, he didn't even let me watch him walk out. He scurried out to get to the job he hates even more than me. And I knew, in that instant, that our situation is over. I cried so hard. My homegirl did her best to convince me that I was overreacting. Maybe. But now I know for sure he doesn't want to be with me. I went to the city with my homegirl and then I went to work. Usually when I'm in the city with him, he wants to meet me so we can go home together. We did that, but on the way home, we were talking about walking. He likes to do it, but I'm no...

This past weekend was a whirlwind of emotions, and I don't know if I've completely recovered, but I need to share. One of my best friends lost her mother, and I went to Texas to be with her during what had to be one of the hardest times in her life. I loved her mother, too, so it was hard on me, too. But I'm thankful that I could be available to my friend. After all, we will ALL be in that position one day, and I just wanted to be available to her. In the process, I learned a lot. For one, I realized that I miss my Christian friends. That's not to say that I don't have Christian friends around now. But these are people that were born and bred in the ways of righteousness. My homegirl is so cold that if you call out a number of a hymn in the Baptist hymnal, she knows the song. That's not necessarily something that everyone thinks is cool, but I do. Since that's not my story, I admire that. Which leads me to another point... I miss singing. When I l...

New Boo doesn't realize how much I love him. He doesn't see how much I sacrifice to be with him. I'm a social butterfly who loves to be out and about. Now that we're together, I'm with HIM. And I'm not mad about that at all. I love being with him -- hands down. But his jealousy colors everything, and there's only so much I can take. I've been blessed to have a job that doesn't really require me to leave the house. So I'm home. A lot. I usually piddle around the house, or cook, or work. If possible, I like to have dinner ready when he gets home. Sometimes I like to kick it with my friends. We usually go have appetizers and drinks at our favorite spot on the Upper West Side. We dish on what's going on with us and go on our merry way. I did this on Friday. Being the good girlfriend I am, I left dinner cooking low and slow in the oven. What did New Boo do? He hung out with his friends. When he finished, he went to Brooklyn to deal with the la...

I'm watching the homegoing celebration of Andrae Crouch today. My history with Andrae goes back to when I was a child. My mom was a new Christian, and she LOVED his music. We'd listen to him in the car on the eight-track, and I was completely enthralled with it. One memory that stands out to this day was when Andrae was supposed to be in concert in Shreveport. In the days before GPS and cell phones, we drove around for HOURS looking for the venue. Finally, my mom just gave up and went home. It would be years later before I actually got to see Andrae live and in person. He wasn't performing, but it was so good for me to be in his presence. Now Pastor Crouch is gone, and I watch this celebration of his life, I'm humbled by the lives he touched all over the world. I'm moved by the way these people are paying tribute not only to his music and ministry, but to his love for Jesus and His people. It's a blessing to see that. Beyond that, it gives us all a roadmap...

I'm supposed to be deep in the throes of entertainment news, but I'm in my feelings this evening and I want to vent. For one, I am so happy with New Boo that I could scream. He's been on vacation since last week, and I've really enjoyed having him around. He goes back to work tomorrow and while it'll free me up to talk to my mom and my friends, I know I'm going to miss him. We went to the laundromat today. While we were there washing our clothes, a girl came to the door fussing at her lover. We were both taken aback because her loud, brash tone shattered the calm of the place. We looked at each other like, "Dang...really?" We decided to let the clothes do their thing while we shopped around. As we ambled through the aisles, he said to me, "One thing I've learned since being with you is that it's not necessary to be with someone if you're angry all the time." In case I haven't stressed this enough, both of us came out of ...

"He must really like you." Huh? Some saleswoman came to the door trying to get me to switch cable companies. When I opened the door, the scent of the food New Boo and I were preparing hit her square in the face. She said, "Oh wow, something smells good. What are you making?" I told her we were doing pork chops. She was like, "Are you cooking or your husband?" I said, "We both are." The girl -- she couldn't have been more than 25 -- looked impressed as she said, "He must really like you." Mind you, she'd called him my husband and I didn't bother to correct her. So in her mind, the man I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with has to really like me for us to be able to cook together. As I thought about what she'd said, I got sad. What has this child seen that would make her think it was okay to marry a person who didn't like her? Was her life that devoid of love? It bothered me at first, but then I had ...

"He died suddenly." That's one of the lines from the obit of The Man Formerly Known as The One. Yes...the guy I dated earlier last year. The guy I left to date New Boo. He passed away Monday night. His sister found him slumped over in their bathroom. The paramedics worked on him for almost an hour, but he was already gone. To say I was shocked would be a gross understatement. I was completely floored that a 50-year-old man would die. When I thought about our last interactions, I was sad. I wish there was something I could've said that would've turned him around. Alas, I won't get the chance now. As I told you before, The Man Formerly Known as The One was moody, aloof, and sometimes surly. And from what I'm told, he was like that until the very end. His brother was the one who broke the news to me with a simple Facebook message that said, "FYI, [The Man Formerly Known as The One] died tonight. No details. No trauma." Huh? Note to self ...