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Repeat Performance...NOT!!!

I knew it would happen. I just knew it.

New Boo called me.

He texted me first from a number I didn't recognize. The minute I saw the words on the screen I knew it was him. Instead of playing the "who is this" role, I entertained it. Next thing you know, I'm on the phone with the orchestrator of my greatest heartache. I'm talking, laughing, and sharing with the man who broke me.

He says he's sorry. He knows he was wrong. He admits he was screwed up and messed up with me. He misses our life together.

I do, too.

But I've moved on. I've got a good man who loves me to death. I have someone in my corner who treats me like gold.

I told him that.

So why was I thinking about seeing him again?

Fortunately I have good friends who love me enough to pull me from the brink. My girl said, "The woman he's living with is probably about to put him out."

It was a year ago when he started acting out with me. It must be something about spring with him.

Whatever it is for him, here's what it won't be for me -- a repeat performance.

I remember something we discussed early in our relationship. I told him that I was the kind of girl that men can only appreciate in hindsight. He said to me, "But I see you now." As I think about the foolishness he plied me with today, I can only think that he was lying. Again. No, thank you.

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Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

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Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.