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They say that when the right person finally makes his or her appearance in your life, you'll understand why none of the others worked. I'm finding this out with My Teddy Bear everyday.

He finally declared his love for me. It was nothing like I'd imagined it to be.

We were coming home on the train from an impromptu date. On our right was a lesbian couple making out like they didn't have a home to go to. On our left was a woman whose outfit was a study in stupidity. (SN: When it comes to spandex, just because it hugs you doesn't mean it loves you.) We were giggling at the scene and just enjoying each other's company. As we neared my stop, he was telling me how to get home safely. And then he said, "I love you."

To say I was shocked would be a gross understatement. I looked at him and said, "What did you say?" He repeated himself and I gave him a kiss and got off the train. I had a look puzzled bewilderment on my face because he'd chosen that setting to make one of the most important declarations of our new situation.

We talked about it when he called me later, and he said, "This isn't a John Hughes' movie! This is real life! What was I supposed to do -- wait to tell you how I feel about you?" I was sufficiently shut down.

As I've given it more thought, I realize that I'm used to guys picking just the right moment to tell me pretty lies. MTB chose the craziest moment he could to let me know that his love for me isn't an illusion, but a real thing.

That was weeks ago, and he keeps showing me in real ways that I mean the world to him.

Case in point -- my money is funny because my rent is due. Without having to ask him, he offered to give me cash to hold until my payday. While I have no problem asking my family for money, I don't really ask the guys I date. And he was like, "I'm not taking no for an answer." The amount is secondary to the sentiment behind it.

I am so happy...


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Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.


So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.