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Wow...

They say that when the right person finally makes his or her appearance in your life, you'll understand why none of the others worked. I'm finding this out with My Teddy Bear everyday.

He finally declared his love for me. It was nothing like I'd imagined it to be.

We were coming home on the train from an impromptu date. On our right was a lesbian couple making out like they didn't have a home to go to. On our left was a woman whose outfit was a study in stupidity. (SN: When it comes to spandex, just because it hugs you doesn't mean it loves you.) We were giggling at the scene and just enjoying each other's company. As we neared my stop, he was telling me how to get home safely. And then he said, "I love you."

To say I was shocked would be a gross understatement. I looked at him and said, "What did you say?" He repeated himself and I gave him a kiss and got off the train. I had a look puzzled bewilderment on my face because he'd chosen that setting to make one of the most important declarations of our new situation.

We talked about it when he called me later, and he said, "This isn't a John Hughes' movie! This is real life! What was I supposed to do -- wait to tell you how I feel about you?" I was sufficiently shut down.

As I've given it more thought, I realize that I'm used to guys picking just the right moment to tell me pretty lies. MTB chose the craziest moment he could to let me know that his love for me isn't an illusion, but a real thing.

That was weeks ago, and he keeps showing me in real ways that I mean the world to him.

Case in point -- my money is funny because my rent is due. Without having to ask him, he offered to give me cash to hold until my payday. While I have no problem asking my family for money, I don't really ask the guys I date. And he was like, "I'm not taking no for an answer." The amount is secondary to the sentiment behind it.

I am so happy...

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Some people drink. Some smoke. I like to have sex. It quiets the voices in my head that talk crazy to me. For those brief, shining moments, I get to be the best of me. I'm beautiful, sexy, and desirable. No matter how fat I am, in that moment I'm able to make someone else feel good. That makes me feel good. Also,  I know how to relate on that level, so everything that I perceive to be wrong with me goes out the window.

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Things with New Boo weren't like that. We had a real connection. Or at least I thought we…

The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…