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The State of Me

Have you ever felt like a fish out of water? That's how I feel with My Teddy Bear.

He's an awesome man. The way he treats me is second to none. I'm realizing that men actually CAN love women in a way that's real and pure.

So why am I having a hard time accepting it?

I swear...I never thought I'd be here, but I am. I don't feel worthy of his kindness and affection. And I can't pinpoint why I'm having issues with it. It's like I've finally found exactly what I need in a man, but I don't know that I'm good enough for him.

Could it be because New Boo still creeps into my dreams?

Please be clear -- NO woman deserves to be put through what NB put me through. I treated him like gold, but he tossed me aside like glass. I sometimes think that the way I'm feeling about MTB is how NB felt about me -- like he wasn't good enough.

The difference between me and NB is that I recognize MTB's goodness as being an inherent part of him. I understand that he would treat anyone he chooses to love the way he treats me. In other words, he treats me good because HE's good -- not me.

I can't say that out loud to anyone. No one will believe I'm going through this.

More than anything, I won't break MTB's heart like NB broke mine. He's too good for me not to trifle with. It's my goal to be worthy of what he wants to give me.

I don't know how I'm going to do that.

Here's the real screwed up part -- the guys I've been with have been so awful that my awfulness wasn't so bad compared to them. Now that I have a good man on my team, I see just how bad I am.

Maybe I really do need help. Or maybe my hormones are out of whack. I don't know. All I know is that I'm gonna keep this stuff to myself so I won't taint the one good thing I've ever had with my foolishness.

Comments

JB said…
Look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud, "I deserve this wonderful loving man. I do." Do this over and over until you believe it. You really do deserve a good guy.

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