Excerpts from the Diary of a Diva

I decided to block New Boo on both my phone and Facebook. It was not an easy decision. I didn't really want to cut him out of my life that way, but I realized that he'd already done it to me. And when you do that, you don't get the luxury of dropping in when YOU want to. Besides, what do we have to talk about? He claims he wants to be my friend, but he's not honest enough to tell the truth about anything. And I'm tired of waiting for him to "get it together." If a person loves you and wants to be with you, he or she will. It's just that simple. New Boo has made it clear that he doesn't want to be with me. I'm okay with that. Now I've got to heal from that, and I can't do it if there's always a possibility of him dropping in on me and destroying whatever stability I've found. When I asked him why he'd dropped me as a friend on Facebook, he told me that he dropped everyone -- as if that would make it better. Like it wa...

I think my friends have abandoned me. In a lot of ways, they didn't really understand how painful and devastating this New Boo chapter was for me. They didn't understand why I couldn't just suck it up and keep moving. They couldn't understand the crippling effect it had on me...and I haven't been able to explain it to them. So I keep to myself. I wallow in the pain of my own imprisonment and I try not to cry EVERY day. As much as it probably seems like I don't, I really DO want to move from this place. I just don't know how...and I need someone to come snatch me out of here. But my friends think I'm weak and that I handled this thing stupidly, so they have no sympathy for me. And here's the killer -- I don't think I blame them. If I'd heard my story from someone else, I'd probably think and do the same thing. I'd probably feel like the girl in question was such an idiot that she wouldn't deserve anything -- sympathy or otherwi...

To block or not to block. That is the question. There's a wonderful feature on my iPhone 6 that allows me to block out any caller that I don't want to hear from. No calls, no texts, no nothing. I can completely cut them out of my life with one selection on a touch screen. I'm debating on doing that to New Boo. To be clear, it's not like he's contacting me every day. He's not that concerned about what's going on with me. However, he'd like to reserve the right to contact me when HE wants to. That means that whenever I'm about to get back on track, or move to a place that would render him useless to me, he might hit me up and shatter my world again. So why wouldn't I block him? I wouldn't be able to contact him, either. I couldn't get phone calls or text messages from him. We would be more like strangers than ever, and we wouldn't be able to communicate. That would make me sad. On the other hand, how does one move on without...

You know how you can feel "some kinda way," but not really know why? It finally hit me why I'm feeling some kinda way today. I am officially old. Now, I must admit that this wasn't a new revelation. As a human, I've been aging since the day I was born. I fight it to the death with hair dye, cute clothes, etc. But yesterday -- the same day I would've celebrated my one-year anniversary with New Boo -- I found out that I need new glasses. Not just ANY new glasses. I need progressive lenses. If you're not familiar with that terminology, it's basically the new way to say you need bifocals. I was crushed, to say the least. Here I am, a single woman with no children and no prospects for a husband with graying hair and now a need for bifocals. Who the hell is going to want me now? What the hell am I supposed to do? With every other thing that's happened this year, I think I've tried to be positive and hold on to hope that it could happen for me...

Now that I've had a few days to recover, I know what I need. It's NOT New Boo. As much as I love him and want to keep him in my life, I realize he's not good for me. He doesn't want to be my friend, and I refuse to beg for his friendship. All he wants to do is use me. His goal is to have enough options so he doesn't have to sleep on the train. As I told him when he was here, I am NOT an option. I have to be a priority. And that's where I'm leaving it with him. The next time he contacts me, I'm not going to be available. As far as Tinderfella is concerned, I think he's adorable. But the sex thing is a concern of mine. I think he's a great guy. But I know me -- I don't think I can take him seriously like that. I'm sure he could be worked with and taught...but he deserves more than someone who's willing to work with him. He needs someone who could adore him. I don't know if I could ever really be that one. If New Boo and I ha...

So...I kinda left you hanging, but I'm here to bring you up to speed. New Boo showed up. I literally had put Tinderfella out, and two hours later, New Boo contacted me. I guess I should've kept it moving, but I had dreamed of him twice -- once that very night. So it was almost like I called him in the atmosphere. He was here in about two more hours. And we were naked in another hour. Ugh. Afterwards, we went to brunch. We walked in the park. We went to Ikea. He didn't leave until Monday morning. And we hashed out everything. I finally got the closure I needed. My conclusion? New Boo is a pathological liar who has way more problems than any person should deal with. He's a user, and he's a selfish, inconsiderate, and generally awful person. While he does have some redeeming qualities, they are few and far in between. I love him with all my heart and it's gonna take a miracle to change that any time soon. I wish my love was enough to get him where he ...

Tinderfella and I finally had our date. Let's just say it wasn't what I expected. We went to see "Straight Outta Compton" -- an excellent film, by the way -- and then he came home with me. Against my better judgement, I let him come upstairs. I should back up at this point and say that I looked fierce for our first official date. I pulled out the big guns -- a dress and heels  -- and all he could say when he saw me was, "Damn." We spent the movie acting like stupid teens who didn't have anywhere to go. He kept putting his hands between my legs...and I kept letting him -- again, against my better judgement. And then I let him bring me home. His first order of business was to remove my shoes and massage my legs and feet. That was new for me. In all my years, I can honestly say that no man has done that for me -- unless it involved him sucking my toes. Of course, that led to him putting his face between my legs. Ladies, I don't have to tell yo...