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An Update

I decided to block New Boo on both my phone and Facebook.

It was not an easy decision. I didn't really want to cut him out of my life that way, but I realized that he'd already done it to me. And when you do that, you don't get the luxury of dropping in when YOU want to.

Besides, what do we have to talk about? He claims he wants to be my friend, but he's not honest enough to tell the truth about anything. And I'm tired of waiting for him to "get it together."

If a person loves you and wants to be with you, he or she will. It's just that simple. New Boo has made it clear that he doesn't want to be with me. I'm okay with that. Now I've got to heal from that, and I can't do it if there's always a possibility of him dropping in on me and destroying whatever stability I've found.

When I asked him why he'd dropped me as a friend on Facebook, he told me that he dropped everyone -- as if that would make it better. Like it was okay to lump me in with everyone else. In that moment, I realized that I was no longer special to him. So if I'm not special to him, why am I holding a special place in my life for him? It's just not necessary.

We're moving into a new season, and I'm moving away from New Boo. Period.


In other news, Tinderfella wants to hook up again. I do not. I like him as a friend, but the sex leaves a LOT to be desired. Therefore, I want no parts of it.

But how do you say that to a man? How do you say, "I'd rather gargle with Clorox and lime than get naked with you again?" Trust me, I completely mean that.

Honestly, I don't remember when I've had sex quite that bad. Of course, in his defense, it could've been those first time jitters. Most people don't perform well the first time. I remember a guy from back in the day who couldn't keep it up at all. But his headgame was so on-point that I gave him another chance. He came back with something to prove -- and let's just say he succeeded.

Maybe that could be Tinderfella's story. I don't know. How 'bout I just don't want to find out?

Here's why. If he gets sprung on me, he's going to want to do it again and again and again. I don't know if I want that kind of relationship right now.

Another thing I'm noticing is that he's cheap. He wants to come over here later this week to -- in his words -- "make me tremble." But does he want to go out to dinner? Does he want to go to the movies? No. He wants me to meet him at his school and bring him home. Uh...yeah...that's not going to happen. At least not in this here lifetime.

So I'm at an impasse with Tinderfella. But I think my period is coming soon...and I'm going to play that thing to the hilt. Just watch.

For real though, I've got to figure a way out of this -- both literally and figuratively.


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I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.