Skip to main content

An Update

I decided to block New Boo on both my phone and Facebook.

It was not an easy decision. I didn't really want to cut him out of my life that way, but I realized that he'd already done it to me. And when you do that, you don't get the luxury of dropping in when YOU want to.

Besides, what do we have to talk about? He claims he wants to be my friend, but he's not honest enough to tell the truth about anything. And I'm tired of waiting for him to "get it together."

If a person loves you and wants to be with you, he or she will. It's just that simple. New Boo has made it clear that he doesn't want to be with me. I'm okay with that. Now I've got to heal from that, and I can't do it if there's always a possibility of him dropping in on me and destroying whatever stability I've found.

When I asked him why he'd dropped me as a friend on Facebook, he told me that he dropped everyone -- as if that would make it better. Like it was okay to lump me in with everyone else. In that moment, I realized that I was no longer special to him. So if I'm not special to him, why am I holding a special place in my life for him? It's just not necessary.

We're moving into a new season, and I'm moving away from New Boo. Period.

**********

In other news, Tinderfella wants to hook up again. I do not. I like him as a friend, but the sex leaves a LOT to be desired. Therefore, I want no parts of it.

But how do you say that to a man? How do you say, "I'd rather gargle with Clorox and lime than get naked with you again?" Trust me, I completely mean that.

Honestly, I don't remember when I've had sex quite that bad. Of course, in his defense, it could've been those first time jitters. Most people don't perform well the first time. I remember a guy from back in the day who couldn't keep it up at all. But his headgame was so on-point that I gave him another chance. He came back with something to prove -- and let's just say he succeeded.

Maybe that could be Tinderfella's story. I don't know. How 'bout I just don't want to find out?

Here's why. If he gets sprung on me, he's going to want to do it again and again and again. I don't know if I want that kind of relationship right now.

Another thing I'm noticing is that he's cheap. He wants to come over here later this week to -- in his words -- "make me tremble." But does he want to go out to dinner? Does he want to go to the movies? No. He wants me to meet him at his school and bring him home. Uh...yeah...that's not going to happen. At least not in this here lifetime.

So I'm at an impasse with Tinderfella. But I think my period is coming soon...and I'm going to play that thing to the hilt. Just watch.

For real though, I've got to figure a way out of this -- both literally and figuratively.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…

Now What?

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I am having issues right now.

First of all, I'm realizing some things about myself that I really don't like admitting. For one, I am NOT satisfied with My Teddy Bear. Why, you ask? Because sex isn't a priority with him.

Some people drink. Some smoke. I like to have sex. It quiets the voices in my head that talk crazy to me. For those brief, shining moments, I get to be the best of me. I'm beautiful, sexy, and desirable. No matter how fat I am, in that moment I'm able to make someone else feel good. That makes me feel good. Also,  I know how to relate on that level, so everything that I perceive to be wrong with me goes out the window.

MTB doesn't know this. Even though I've always felt this way, I don't talk about it. Most of the guys I know actually want sex. They probably use it the way I do -- as a feel-good situation.

Things with New Boo weren't like that. We had a real connection. Or at least I thought we…

The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…