Skip to main content

What I Need...

Now that I've had a few days to recover, I know what I need.

It's NOT New Boo.

As much as I love him and want to keep him in my life, I realize he's not good for me. He doesn't want to be my friend, and I refuse to beg for his friendship. All he wants to do is use me. His goal is to have enough options so he doesn't have to sleep on the train. As I told him when he was here, I am NOT an option. I have to be a priority. And that's where I'm leaving it with him. The next time he contacts me, I'm not going to be available.

As far as Tinderfella is concerned, I think he's adorable. But the sex thing is a concern of mine. I think he's a great guy. But I know me -- I don't think I can take him seriously like that. I'm sure he could be worked with and taught...but he deserves more than someone who's willing to work with him. He needs someone who could adore him. I don't know if I could ever really be that one.

If New Boo and I had made it, today would've been our one-year anniversary.

I look back at what was going on this day a year ago, and I still wonder how it all could've changed so quickly. But I realize that no matter how much I wanted our love to work, I couldn't make it happen by myself. And I couldn't make a man-child grow up into a fully-formed human. So even though I am somewhat sad about the situation, I know that I'm doing the right thing by walking away from him.

Now it's time to move on. Tinderfella and I can be great friends if he can get over me. I don't know if he can. I feel him pulling away from me because, in his words, I "turned him out" the other night. Sadly, he did NOT do that to me.

At this point, I think I just need to learn how to be by myself.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Yeah...About That...

I'm watching Scandal, and Mellie was talking about how lonely it is to be the president. She spoke about how men have a problem with regular powerful women, but being the leader of the free world comes with a chastity belt.
I get it.
I'm nowhere near the leader of the free world. I'm not even the leader of free lunch, but I get it. If men perceive you to have one more drop of power than they do, they can't handle it.
This is my life. At least it is when it comes to the men I've known.
It's not even like that for me.
I don't even have enough juice to get what I want at work.
But yet I'm seen as intimidating. 
Yeah...right.

Ah Ha!

I didn't do it. It wasn't entirely my fault. New Boo got a whiff of my new thought process and decided I wasn't worth the trouble. And what was it that rubbed him the wrong way?

I told him that I finally saw Jay-Z in a different light because I could see his grown man thought process. That made him mad because he thought I was "starstruck." Considering what I do for a living, that's the LAST thing on my mind. I told him that I liked the way he made up his mind to move away from the mistakes of his youth. His thought was that he could only do that because he had money.

On the contrary. If Jay still had the same mentality he had as a younger man, he might be rich, but he wouldn't have his family. New Boo wants to use anything as an excuse to be a bum. Not my problem, right?

So the foolishness that almost happened didn't. I'm thankful.

Now I'm recovering from fibroid surgery. This time, it was done right. My doctor said she got every one she saw,…

For My Friend...

I miss her.

Even though it's been almost 25 years since my friend was snatched away from me in the most heinous fashion I could possible imagine, I still think of her.

She was so much fun. We would giggle for hours on end about any and everything. We were so young. Life was just beginning for us, and we couldn't wait to get out and live it.

She never made it out.

A guy she liked -- one I introduced her to -- made an executive decision to take her life because she wouldn't give up her TV for his drug habit. How I wish she would've let the TV go. If we'd known then how the medium would devolve, she would have.

She missed everything.

The internet, two-way pagers, text messages, social media, smartphones, aging...she was gone before any of that came into play.

There are times I wonder how she'd be. Would we still be friends or would our relationship go the way of so many college friendships? Would she be married with kids? Would she be a successful superwoman with …