Skip to main content

What I Need...

Now that I've had a few days to recover, I know what I need.

It's NOT New Boo.

As much as I love him and want to keep him in my life, I realize he's not good for me. He doesn't want to be my friend, and I refuse to beg for his friendship. All he wants to do is use me. His goal is to have enough options so he doesn't have to sleep on the train. As I told him when he was here, I am NOT an option. I have to be a priority. And that's where I'm leaving it with him. The next time he contacts me, I'm not going to be available.

As far as Tinderfella is concerned, I think he's adorable. But the sex thing is a concern of mine. I think he's a great guy. But I know me -- I don't think I can take him seriously like that. I'm sure he could be worked with and taught...but he deserves more than someone who's willing to work with him. He needs someone who could adore him. I don't know if I could ever really be that one.

If New Boo and I had made it, today would've been our one-year anniversary.

I look back at what was going on this day a year ago, and I still wonder how it all could've changed so quickly. But I realize that no matter how much I wanted our love to work, I couldn't make it happen by myself. And I couldn't make a man-child grow up into a fully-formed human. So even though I am somewhat sad about the situation, I know that I'm doing the right thing by walking away from him.

Now it's time to move on. Tinderfella and I can be great friends if he can get over me. I don't know if he can. I feel him pulling away from me because, in his words, I "turned him out" the other night. Sadly, he did NOT do that to me.

At this point, I think I just need to learn how to be by myself.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Middle Aged Rant

I am single. I’ve never had a husband. I’ve never given birth to a child. I’ve never lived with a man over six months. I am 54. I’m not classically pretty. I’m overweight. I’m not very tall. My brother says I’m a unicorn. My friends are kind enough not to make me feel small. My mother mentions in passing that she wants me to find a husband. I try not to be sad about my state. I’ve lived a life that some would find enviable. I had my dream job, met and interviewed great people, made great friends, and traveled all over the world. I have a new career that I find oddly fulfilling. Men don’t always like that. Some of them are jealous because I’m not easily impressed. Some are jealous because I’ve done things they haven’t. Some are jealous because I’ve lived on both coasts. I don’t know what to do. I can’t change my life – not that I want to. I can’t change my past – not that I want to. I can’t change myself –not that I want to. I just want someone to see me, not the image I present. I want...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone. That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not! My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day. More than that, she came with the very mentality th...
5 comments
Read more

To Cook or Not to Cook

I was having a discussion with a couple of friends about whether or not a woman should be required to cook for a man. My girlfriend and I pretty much agree that we have to be inspired to bust a move with the pots and pans. In this day and age where the men we've encountered feel entitled to certain privileges, we believe that he has to do more than just call us a couple of times and come over to kick it to earn a MackDiva-licious meal. On the flip side, the brother we were talking to said he didn't really want to get serious with a woman whose idea of a culinary feat was tacos. We asked him whether he'd cook for his woman. His response? "Well, if I really wanted to impress her, I'd throw it down with my jerk chicken recipe." Upon further examination, we discovered that his need to impress was in direct correlation to some form of inspiration from the woman. At the end of the day, both men and women want a lot of the same things. However, because we speak diffe...
Post a Comment
Read more