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After the Morning After

We finally had our date...sort of.

I add the disclaimer because it didn't feel like a real date. We met up on a corner in the city. He wasn't hungry, so we ended up at my favorite burger joint. Since he didn't eat, I didn't want to ask him to pay -- and that's where things got hairy for me.

I have one hard, fast rule in dating. I only put out once a night. If I put out at the table -- i.e. pay -- I'm not putting out anywhere else. Call me crazy, that's just how I see it.

After that, he wanted to go make out. So here we are, on a park bench right off Times Square, making out like teenagers with no homes. Honestly, that is NOT a good look for a grown woman. But I knew if I brought him here, it was going to be pandemonium. I took him to work with me -- because it only made sense to do my show before I came home. We were in a studio, and while I don't know how impressed he was, I know he was trying to get at me in a real way. After that, we waited for the train together and said our good-byes for the evening.

So what did I do when I got home? Sent New Boo a text. I told him that I missed him and was praying for him and wished him happiness with whatever he was doing.

Stupid, right?

That's what my homegirl said. She called me right after I sent it. She said that I gave him power and that he now knows that he still his a hold on me.

I don't see it that way because I think he's already blocked me and won't see the text anyway. And even if he does, he's moved so far past me that he doesn't care. That's what's obvious to me about New Boo. He's really over me.

It makes me sad, but if I'm honest, what he's doing to me is just what I did to Mr. Wonderful. When I walked out of his house, I was completely done. But I had had time to get over him in my head long before we broke up. And that's what New Boo did to me. He took a few months and got over me. He would've stayed here not loving me, but I put him out.

So here we are. We try again, but this time we're scared. We see why people try to get out before someone leaves them. But it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…