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After the Morning After

We finally had our date...sort of.

I add the disclaimer because it didn't feel like a real date. We met up on a corner in the city. He wasn't hungry, so we ended up at my favorite burger joint. Since he didn't eat, I didn't want to ask him to pay -- and that's where things got hairy for me.

I have one hard, fast rule in dating. I only put out once a night. If I put out at the table -- i.e. pay -- I'm not putting out anywhere else. Call me crazy, that's just how I see it.

After that, he wanted to go make out. So here we are, on a park bench right off Times Square, making out like teenagers with no homes. Honestly, that is NOT a good look for a grown woman. But I knew if I brought him here, it was going to be pandemonium. I took him to work with me -- because it only made sense to do my show before I came home. We were in a studio, and while I don't know how impressed he was, I know he was trying to get at me in a real way. After that, we waited for the train together and said our good-byes for the evening.

So what did I do when I got home? Sent New Boo a text. I told him that I missed him and was praying for him and wished him happiness with whatever he was doing.

Stupid, right?

That's what my homegirl said. She called me right after I sent it. She said that I gave him power and that he now knows that he still his a hold on me.

I don't see it that way because I think he's already blocked me and won't see the text anyway. And even if he does, he's moved so far past me that he doesn't care. That's what's obvious to me about New Boo. He's really over me.

It makes me sad, but if I'm honest, what he's doing to me is just what I did to Mr. Wonderful. When I walked out of his house, I was completely done. But I had had time to get over him in my head long before we broke up. And that's what New Boo did to me. He took a few months and got over me. He would've stayed here not loving me, but I put him out.

So here we are. We try again, but this time we're scared. We see why people try to get out before someone leaves them. But it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

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Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.