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Not Ready...

I'm a girlfriend.

Thanks to New Boo, I'm not in a relationship. But let the record show that I'm still a girlfriend.

I feel like a widow. Nine times out of ten, when a woman's husband dies, she's not really through being a wife. She's had her world interrupted by his death, but no matter what goes on, she's still a wife.

That's how I feel right now.

I feel like a woman who was turned out of coupledom too soon, and I'm still a girlfriend. I haven't been here before. When I broke up with Mr. Wonderful, I wasn't interested in being his girlfriend. I was completely done. Unfortunately, this time I was dumped. Even though I put him out, it was because he was done with our relationship. But I wasn't. I was still deep in the throes of being his girlfriend.

So now I'm out here in the dating world, and I can only relate to men as a girlfriend. Which means that I check up on things. I'm concerned. And I want to spend time. Not just naked time, either. Guys don't care about that stuff unless they really love you. And right now, I'm out here with a loving heart and no one to release it on.

After being stood up by someone new, I realize I need to just chill out. I can't go around imposing my girlfriend status on men who don't deserve it. I can't give the right of first refusal to men who treat me like an option. In other words...I'm not ready for primetime right now.


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I get it.
I'm nowhere near the leader of the free world. I'm not even the leader of free lunch, but I get it. If men perceive you to have one more drop of power than they do, they can't handle it.
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