Skip to main content

Home Again

I'm home again. 

After spending almost a week with my family and close friends, I'm back in this place where New Boo was the only person I considered family.

I'm home again. 

This time, though, it's just me here. He's got a new girlfriend. I'm at the house we shared. Alone.

I'm home again.

No matter how hard I try to put him out of my mind, he still manages to permeate my thoughts in such a way that I'd like to put my brain on a time out. I just want him not to run through my mind all day, but he does and I can't stop him.

I'm home again.

When I walked in, this house felt hot and stuffy, but in reality it was cold and lonely because there's no love here now. You'd think I'd be used to living this way, but I'm not. After spending time with my family, I realize I don't want to live in a loveless existence. It hurts me to say this, but...

I'm home again.

I love my place. When it's put together, I really like the thought of having people over to have a good time. But at this point, I haven't cleaned up in over a week or two. If I don't hurry up and get myself together, I'm afraid I'll end up in squaller. I can't do that again. But here I am...

I'm home again.

Back to the familiar. Back to what I know. Back to what kept me lonely in the first place.

I'm home again. 

This time, though, I'm determined to fight for what I need. I need love. While it would be nice to have someone to do it for me, I've got to learn to love and show love to myself. Once I get that through my thick head, I'll be ready for someone else.

I'm home again.

Let's make the best of it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A New Possibility?

If you've been reading EFTDOAD for any length of time, you've probably noticed that I haven't really talked about a man. By that, I mean a man of my own. What's really sad is that there hasn't been a man in my life for the entire time I've been writing this blog. I hate that. However, things may be looking up for me. One of my good friends hosts a forum in Los Angeles called " Battle of the Sexes ." This monthly event consists of guys and girls submitting questions anonymously to the moderators, with the answers being discussed in an open forum. It can get quite rowdy, and the discussions are always enlightening. For most of us, it's the first time we've really heard what members of the opposite sex think. I've been attending these Battles for a few months now. Even though I'm not a fan of mindless rhetoric, it's cool to be around some single people who can think and put together coherent sentences. The last couple of times I'v...
5 comments
Read more

Life Matters: My Take on All This Madness

I am vexed beyond words about the situation with the two police officers being shot in Brooklyn. What bothers me is the blatant disregard for life -- on both sides. The man who felt like it was okay to take the lives of two police officers CLEARLY had no disregard for life because he took theirs and his own. And then there are the situations with Eric Garner and Michael Brown. Both situations show a disregard for life. For humanity, really. And it's painful to me that all of these families will have holes in them because someone felt like it was okay to take a life. There was a time in the not-so-distant past when people could fight and disagree -- and everyone went home to fight another day. When did it become okay to kill a person for whatever reason? As quiet as it's kept, by NOT indicting the police officers for killing those guys, it shows that life doesn't really matter. And it's easy to say Black life (and believe me, I do believe that it's open season ...
3 comments
Read more

The Baby...

I heard from The Baby today. The Baby is a young man I met at work. Nice enough guy...he's 29...new to the radio game...and tall and lanky like I like 'em. He showed up at our studios because he was caught in the throes of his format's contract negotiations. When I saw him, I was kinda speechless. Not because he was cute -- he was -- but because I NEVER see other chocolate faces at my job. The conversation we had was one part interesting, one part amusing, but completely charming. Even though my interest in him was purely professional, we exchanged numbers. See, in addition to working as a radio engineer, he also has the inside track to this weekly show I like. For me, that was it. We exchanged a few texts, but nothing major. Then, one day he said that we should hang out. Since I'm always down for an adventure, I accepted. We ended up spending the day at the beach. We had a good time, but there were some definite red flags for me... For one, he didn't tip ...
4 comments
Read more