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Home Again

I'm home again. 

After spending almost a week with my family and close friends, I'm back in this place where New Boo was the only person I considered family.

I'm home again. 

This time, though, it's just me here. He's got a new girlfriend. I'm at the house we shared. Alone.

I'm home again.

No matter how hard I try to put him out of my mind, he still manages to permeate my thoughts in such a way that I'd like to put my brain on a time out. I just want him not to run through my mind all day, but he does and I can't stop him.

I'm home again.

When I walked in, this house felt hot and stuffy, but in reality it was cold and lonely because there's no love here now. You'd think I'd be used to living this way, but I'm not. After spending time with my family, I realize I don't want to live in a loveless existence. It hurts me to say this, but...

I'm home again.

I love my place. When it's put together, I really like the thought of having people over to have a good time. But at this point, I haven't cleaned up in over a week or two. If I don't hurry up and get myself together, I'm afraid I'll end up in squaller. I can't do that again. But here I am...

I'm home again.

Back to the familiar. Back to what I know. Back to what kept me lonely in the first place.

I'm home again. 

This time, though, I'm determined to fight for what I need. I need love. While it would be nice to have someone to do it for me, I've got to learn to love and show love to myself. Once I get that through my thick head, I'll be ready for someone else.

I'm home again.

Let's make the best of it.

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Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.