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One year ago today, I got the last text I'd ever get from The Man Formerly Known as The One. Clearly I didn't know it at the time because I probably would've said so many other things. But this is what he left me with.

Today, my heart is in such disarray. New Boo and I -- who were going strong and building what I thought was a firm foundation at that time -- don't even speak. Tinderfella is making me smile. And this is what I think about.

This has been a year -- to say the least.

Sometimes I wonder how this year would've turned out if I hadn't chosen New Boo. Would TMFKATO still be with us? Or would I be deep in a different kind of mourning? Those are answers I'll never get.

So much death this year. From TMFKATO to Adra and now to Ronnie -- my uncle's brother-in-law who passed yesterday. Even the girl I knew from college who passed away in her sleep at the tender age of 42. It all makes my heart sore.

Even in the midst of this, I'm thankful. Through all the pain, I know I'll survive. Hopefully things with Tinderfella will pan out. If they don't, I know I can still make it.

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I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

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My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.