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One year ago today, I got the last text I'd ever get from The Man Formerly Known as The One. Clearly I didn't know it at the time because I probably would've said so many other things. But this is what he left me with.

Today, my heart is in such disarray. New Boo and I -- who were going strong and building what I thought was a firm foundation at that time -- don't even speak. Tinderfella is making me smile. And this is what I think about.

This has been a year -- to say the least.

Sometimes I wonder how this year would've turned out if I hadn't chosen New Boo. Would TMFKATO still be with us? Or would I be deep in a different kind of mourning? Those are answers I'll never get.

So much death this year. From TMFKATO to Adra and now to Ronnie -- my uncle's brother-in-law who passed yesterday. Even the girl I knew from college who passed away in her sleep at the tender age of 42. It all makes my heart sore.

Even in the midst of this, I'm thankful. Through all the pain, I know I'll survive. Hopefully things with Tinderfella will pan out. If they don't, I know I can still make it.

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…