Skip to main content

Stood Up

So Tinderfella and I are supposed to be going on our first date.

I'm waiting.

He said that work got in the way of him being on time for our first date. The date I've spent half the day crying and stressing over. Crying because it still feels like I'm cheating on New Boo when I deal with anyone else, and stressing because I didn't do laundry so I had to try to figure out what to wear.

I'm one step from angry.

And please understand -- I usually run late. But because it's a first date, I made it a point to get it together. Now my house isn't completely ready...and I guess I have time to do that. But I'm kinda leaving it incomplete so I won't be tempted to bring him upstairs and do dirty things with him. Because I'm not emotionally ready to let myself go down that path with anyone. But now that he's late -- almost 30 minutes -- I'm tempted to call it off.

I'm really not ready to date again, but I need to get out. And I won't do it alone. So I wait. But I'm getting angry. Ugh.

Now we're not going.

Apparently he's on a videoconference with some Japanese people. I know he's a business owner, and I know things happen. But I'm upset. I blew off my friends for this. I'm going to learn.

I swear I'm going to learn how to prioritize my life. I'm going to learn who to put first -- and it doesn't need to be a man.
I'm going to learn to make myself the priority.
I'm going to stop being so needy.
I'm going to stop crying because I miss New Boo so much.
I'm going to try my best not to feel like two cents worth of nothing because, yet again, I hung all my hopes on a situation that had no reason to be that much.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He's Gone...For Real

My uncle died. He actually ceased to live. I don't know how to handle this. Even though he was my mother's brother, he was so much more than that to me. He was the coolest cat on the block, He set the standard that every man had to meet. He was the one I compared every man in my life to. For all intents and purposes, he was my de facto dad. I am stunned. I feel like someone knocked the wind out of my body. I grew up watching him. If he sat up straight, I wanted to sit up straight. I once caught him standing up to pee. I thought I'd do that when I grew up, too. (You can just imagine that conversation). That's the thing...he never shied away from my craziness. When I discovered what a father was -- at the tender age of five -- I purposed in my heart to find one for myself. I asked every man I knew, including him, if they'd be my daddy. He said, "I can't be your dad. I'm your uncle." When I pressed, he gently explained that he already had a significan...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Own My Tears

I own my tears. I used this as a hashtag on a Facebook post. I was talking about the movie, "The Fault in Our Stars." If you've seen it, you know what I mean, and I won't spoil it for you. Of course, you know me -- it's deeper than that. I need to say it out loud... I own my tears. New Boo meant the world to me. He really did. Our relationship meant the world to me. It really, really did. And now it's over and he's gone -- seemingly for good. That makes me cry more than I want to, and more than I have ever imagined I would. And while I hate it, I need to do this. I need to mourn this thing in its entirety because it has truly changed my life. I own my tears. I own the fact that I am hurt. I own the fact that I'm mourning a relationship that I wanted to work more than life itself. I wanted to be a part of a couple, and eventually a family. That may well happen for me one day. Today, though, it doesn't look likely. So yes, I cry. And you ...
1 comment
Read more

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone. That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not! My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day. More than that, she came with the very mentality th...
5 comments
Read more