Skip to main content

I'm Not Wrong to Love

I got up this morning and realized two things...

I get sad about New Boo because I still love him, and me loving him is a good thing.

What I realized is that some people think I was wrong to love him the way I did. And I wasn't. Yes, he was a liar and I didn't know that. But loving him wasn't a crime. In fact, I'm thankful that I loved him. He was -- and is -- worth it. He's a person with a heart, and that makes him viable.

Now is he viable for ME? Not so much. Again...he's a liar. He doesn't know how to be a friend. He has substance abuse issues. He doesn't care for his children. He needs a lot of help.

But me loving him wasn't a problem. He needed to experience love. I know I gave it to him. Him not being able to accept it and reciprocate it doesn't negate the love I gave to him.

Some of my friends act like I was wrong to love him. I wasn't. I did what I was supposed to do. I gave him my all. I tried my best. The fact that it didn't work out was on him, not me. And I can rest in that knowledge.

Now it's time for me to move on. Another thing I'm realizing is that moving on looks different for everyone. Some people burn things. They throw away all reminders of their failed relationship. They get mad and bitter.

I don't feel that way. I keep the pictures because they remind me that I loved someone with all my heart. And those times were happy for me. I do not apologize for them.

And it's not my fault that it's over -- it's his. I didn't stop the love. He did. The reason our situation is over is that HE couldn't handle it.

There will be a man who can handle it. That may be Tinderfella. If it's not, that doesn't mean that I'm wrong to be as loving as I am. It just means that I need to be discriminating on who I give it to.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Baby...

I heard from The Baby today. The Baby is a young man I met at work. Nice enough guy...he's 29...new to the radio game...and tall and lanky like I like 'em. He showed up at our studios because he was caught in the throes of his format's contract negotiations. When I saw him, I was kinda speechless. Not because he was cute -- he was -- but because I NEVER see other chocolate faces at my job. The conversation we had was one part interesting, one part amusing, but completely charming. Even though my interest in him was purely professional, we exchanged numbers. See, in addition to working as a radio engineer, he also has the inside track to this weekly show I like. For me, that was it. We exchanged a few texts, but nothing major. Then, one day he said that we should hang out. Since I'm always down for an adventure, I accepted. We ended up spending the day at the beach. We had a good time, but there were some definite red flags for me... For one, he didn't tip ...

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone. That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not! My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day. More than that, she came with the very mentality th...

A Middle Aged Rant

I am single. I’ve never had a husband. I’ve never given birth to a child. I’ve never lived with a man over six months. I am 54. I’m not classically pretty. I’m overweight. I’m not very tall. My brother says I’m a unicorn. My friends are kind enough not to make me feel small. My mother mentions in passing that she wants me to find a husband. I try not to be sad about my state. I’ve lived a life that some would find enviable. I had my dream job, met and interviewed great people, made great friends, and traveled all over the world. I have a new career that I find oddly fulfilling. Men don’t always like that. Some of them are jealous because I’m not easily impressed. Some are jealous because I’ve done things they haven’t. Some are jealous because I’ve lived on both coasts. I don’t know what to do. I can’t change my life – not that I want to. I can’t change my past – not that I want to. I can’t change myself –not that I want to. I just want someone to see me, not the image I present. I want...