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I'm Not Wrong to Love

I got up this morning and realized two things...

I get sad about New Boo because I still love him, and me loving him is a good thing.

What I realized is that some people think I was wrong to love him the way I did. And I wasn't. Yes, he was a liar and I didn't know that. But loving him wasn't a crime. In fact, I'm thankful that I loved him. He was -- and is -- worth it. He's a person with a heart, and that makes him viable.

Now is he viable for ME? Not so much. Again...he's a liar. He doesn't know how to be a friend. He has substance abuse issues. He doesn't care for his children. He needs a lot of help.

But me loving him wasn't a problem. He needed to experience love. I know I gave it to him. Him not being able to accept it and reciprocate it doesn't negate the love I gave to him.

Some of my friends act like I was wrong to love him. I wasn't. I did what I was supposed to do. I gave him my all. I tried my best. The fact that it didn't work out was on him, not me. And I can rest in that knowledge.

Now it's time for me to move on. Another thing I'm realizing is that moving on looks different for everyone. Some people burn things. They throw away all reminders of their failed relationship. They get mad and bitter.

I don't feel that way. I keep the pictures because they remind me that I loved someone with all my heart. And those times were happy for me. I do not apologize for them.

And it's not my fault that it's over -- it's his. I didn't stop the love. He did. The reason our situation is over is that HE couldn't handle it.

There will be a man who can handle it. That may be Tinderfella. If it's not, that doesn't mean that I'm wrong to be as loving as I am. It just means that I need to be discriminating on who I give it to.

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…