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I'm Not Wrong to Love

I got up this morning and realized two things...

I get sad about New Boo because I still love him, and me loving him is a good thing.

What I realized is that some people think I was wrong to love him the way I did. And I wasn't. Yes, he was a liar and I didn't know that. But loving him wasn't a crime. In fact, I'm thankful that I loved him. He was -- and is -- worth it. He's a person with a heart, and that makes him viable.

Now is he viable for ME? Not so much. Again...he's a liar. He doesn't know how to be a friend. He has substance abuse issues. He doesn't care for his children. He needs a lot of help.

But me loving him wasn't a problem. He needed to experience love. I know I gave it to him. Him not being able to accept it and reciprocate it doesn't negate the love I gave to him.

Some of my friends act like I was wrong to love him. I wasn't. I did what I was supposed to do. I gave him my all. I tried my best. The fact that it didn't work out was on him, not me. And I can rest in that knowledge.

Now it's time for me to move on. Another thing I'm realizing is that moving on looks different for everyone. Some people burn things. They throw away all reminders of their failed relationship. They get mad and bitter.

I don't feel that way. I keep the pictures because they remind me that I loved someone with all my heart. And those times were happy for me. I do not apologize for them.

And it's not my fault that it's over -- it's his. I didn't stop the love. He did. The reason our situation is over is that HE couldn't handle it.

There will be a man who can handle it. That may be Tinderfella. If it's not, that doesn't mean that I'm wrong to be as loving as I am. It just means that I need to be discriminating on who I give it to.

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Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.