Skip to main content

A Daughter's Anger

I am angry. This evening I spoke to my mother's baby daddy. I would refer to him as my father, but that wouldn't adequately reflect our relationship. He's the man whose genetic components mixed with my mother's to produce me. That was the end of his contribution to my existence.

This is the man I'd longed to know for years when I was a child. My mother, to her credit, never spoke ill of him. Instead, she'd always say, "You'd really like him if you got to know him." In my mind, he was the one who would rescue me from a stepfather who didn't love me and a mother too preoccupied with keeping the peace to notice. I used to love the song, Daddy's Home, because I thought he really cared about me, but just couldn't get to me to show it.

When I finally met him at the tender age of 22, I found him to be an arrogant, selfish person who had eyes like mine. He's into making good impressions, and he's very curious about everything. We share some amazing similarities, but I don't know him. Even though I'd wanted to have a healthy relationship with my mother's baby's daddy, I couldn't because he never acknowledged his wrong. I've had to relagate him to a corner in my world because his indifference to my feelings hurts me.

I've tried to look at it from an adult point of view, After all, if I'd become an unwilling parent at 22, I might have been scared and tried to run from the situation, too. However, I'd like to think that I'd be able to understand my estranged child's anger.

Actually, I didn't want to tell him about Granny's death. It just so happened that my father's other daughter -- a young lady who's 10 months younger than me -- lost her mother the Thursday before Granny died. Even though we don't have a relationship, either -- that's another story I'll fill you in on later -- I felt like it would be wrong for me not to acknowledge her loss. The day I'd decided to call our father to get her number was the day that Granny chose to go on to Glory. When I told him about it, he said he wanted to come. I told him that it was alright, that I was good. Besides, my mom has been sick lately, and I didn't want his presence to upset her at a time like this. Thankfully, he ended up sending a plant.

This evening's call was to check on me and find out how everything went. I thanked him for the plant and gave him the press-release version of the story. He then asked me how everything was going for me in California.

Before I go on, I need to give you some of the backstory. As I said before, he's never done anything for me. At Christmas, he wired me $50 so that I could, quote, "have a nice lunch," since I wasn't able to make it home to be with my family. While it was a kind gesture, it was almost insulting to me as I struggled to figure out how to make my ends meet. When we spoke a month later, I told him exactly how dire my straits were. The statement I made to him was, "I'm one step away from the [stripping] pole." His response? "I don't know what to tell you." Unbelievable, right?

Well, when he posed the "how's it going" question today, I told him that I don't get paid when I don't work, and I haven't worked for the last nine days. He said, "Well, keep me posted."

Will someone please explain to me why I need to keep him posted? He OBVIOUSLY doesn't care. It would've been better if he'd said, "Well, I can't help you now, but I would if I could." Even if it was a lie, it would've been better than the nothing-type response he gave.

More later...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A New Possibility?

If you've been reading EFTDOAD for any length of time, you've probably noticed that I haven't really talked about a man. By that, I mean a man of my own. What's really sad is that there hasn't been a man in my life for the entire time I've been writing this blog. I hate that. However, things may be looking up for me. One of my good friends hosts a forum in Los Angeles called " Battle of the Sexes ." This monthly event consists of guys and girls submitting questions anonymously to the moderators, with the answers being discussed in an open forum. It can get quite rowdy, and the discussions are always enlightening. For most of us, it's the first time we've really heard what members of the opposite sex think. I've been attending these Battles for a few months now. Even though I'm not a fan of mindless rhetoric, it's cool to be around some single people who can think and put together coherent sentences. The last couple of times I'v
There's always that one. The one person you'd change your entire life for if they asked you to. Whether it's the first man you ever loved, the first guy who saw you naked, or the first man to bring you flowers, if he said, "Marry me, and travel with me around the world," you'd quit your job and hop on the first thing smoking. Alas, I haven't met him yet. Actually...that's not true. I have met him. But he doesn't want me. So rather than admit that the one guy I'd leave it all for wouldn't be caught dead with me, I say we don't know each other. I read an article this week that I found to be very informative. It was talking about how men will use any woman who allows herself to be used. And while I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I don't want that kind of life, I recognized myself in all those women. I've been there. And there are times (like today) when it would be nice to have someone around...even if they're

Long-Distance Sucks

I hate long-distance relationships. Absolutely despise them. So, you ask, why am I currently in one? The short answer is, “I don’t know.” The real answer is, “I don’t know anyone locally that gets me.” Tinderfella is in New York. I am in Texas. Maybe I shouldn’t have let it get this far. Maybe I should’ve nipped it in the bud. But I didn’t. Now I find myself strung out over a man I won’t get to touch until September — IF I’m lucky. With my cycle and every other factor that could exert itself over my situation, I don’t know if we’ll get to see each other then. I don’t like this. I want to kick it with him after work. Maybe hook up and see a movie. Or not. We could cuddle on the couch or discuss the day’s events or just breathe each other’s air. I wanna watch his face light up when he sees me or frown when he gets mad. I want to learn his facial expressions and body language well enough to read joy, peace, anger, and hatred on him. Basically, I want to be with him in a real and meaningfu