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The Setting In Of Reality...

Now that I know what's really going on, there's only one thing left to do. Call the fat chick have her start tuning up.

Can I say here that I am so disappointed right now? That this is the last thing I wanted to do with any part of my time? That I so wanted my dating life to be over so my married family life could begin?

But unlike New Boo, I'm an adult. I realize that hard choices have to be made, and I can't be caught up in my feelings when I make them. As much as it's going to hurt to release him, he must go. And his exit from my life will have to be complete. I cannot accidentally run into him. He has to be erased.

It's times like this that you wish "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was real.

If I could just erase the last year of my life, I think I'd be okay. I could get rid of TMFKATO and New Boo in one fell swoop. But even as I type that, I know better. I know that both of these relationships have put me in a better place for my future husband. I know what I need and want, and I don't regret learning that.

Now it's just a matter of doing the hard work. ***SIGH***


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My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…


So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.