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The Setting In Of Reality...

Now that I know what's really going on, there's only one thing left to do. Call the fat chick have her start tuning up.

Can I say here that I am so disappointed right now? That this is the last thing I wanted to do with any part of my time? That I so wanted my dating life to be over so my married family life could begin?

But unlike New Boo, I'm an adult. I realize that hard choices have to be made, and I can't be caught up in my feelings when I make them. As much as it's going to hurt to release him, he must go. And his exit from my life will have to be complete. I cannot accidentally run into him. He has to be erased.

It's times like this that you wish "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was real.

If I could just erase the last year of my life, I think I'd be okay. I could get rid of TMFKATO and New Boo in one fell swoop. But even as I type that, I know better. I know that both of these relationships have put me in a better place for my future husband. I know what I need and want, and I don't regret learning that.

Now it's just a matter of doing the hard work. ***SIGH***

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As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

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Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.