A New Possibility?

there will come a day when it won't matter to me what you do or how you do it.
i won't care about you or where you'll live or how you're doing or how you feel.
that day isn't today.
i wish it was.

then i wouldn't care about how you'll handle my sadness.
how you'll come in here with no words.
your happiness won't be a concern of mine.
and that's when i'll know it's completely over.

today is not that day.
today you matter more than you should.
today my heart is so empty and wounded and hurt that i can't handle it.
i wish this was another day.

i just want what we said we wanted.
i'm willing to work on it.
i now know you're not.
that hurts, too.

all i want to do is be with you.
love you like i used to.
have you love me like you used to.
when we'd sneak out at night to find someplace to put our trash.

as much as i hated the haunted house of horrors, our relationship
was good there.
you loved me there.
you wanted me there.
you wanted to be there...
with me.

now we're in this comfortable place
but there's no comfort for me
because there's no comfort for you
with me.

maybe it's too much for me to ask you
to do what you said you would.
maybe it's too much for me to believe you.
but i did believe you.
i thought you wanted a life with me.
maybe you still do
but i don't believe it.
i can't.

you won't come home
and when you're here, you're really not.
you want something or someone
but it's clearly not me
and that hurts.

maybe this is the natural ebb and flow of relationships.
maybe i just don't understand.
maybe i'm missing something
i wish someone would give me a clue.

because this shit is painful
and i don't think i deserve it.
then again...maybe i do.
maybe this is the price you pay for love.
or maybe i'm just loving the wrong one.
i just don't know...