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What I wouldn't give to turn back the hands of time.
To a time when I knew you loved me.
When you loved US.
You wanted to be with me as much as I want to be with you.
And that's what we did.

We were the couple of the year. 
We were the ones who could beat the odds.
We were the ones who could actually stay in love.
I wanted you to be the end of my dating career
And you wanted me to be the end of yours.

Now I don't even recognize those people.
They don't exist. 
My heart hasn't changed
But yours has.

I feel it when you look at me
You used to see me.
You used to see my love for you.
You used to see my heart.
Now you just see the woman you tolerate.

You don't want to be with me
And it's obvious.
I know you like new and exciting.
That's not me anymore.

I see you going down a destructive path.
Not only destructive to US, but to you.
And I can't do a thing about it.

What happened here?
We're fighting each other
And not for the relationship.

My heart is so heavy
I can't hold it up.
But I don't have time to lay it down

I've never cried so much in my life
Over someone who's alive.
I've never mourned something like this
Something I never thought I'd have to mourn.

This is the worst feeling I've ever had in my life.
And I want it to stop.
Is there any way I can stop this pain
Or turn back the hands of time

If I could, I would turn them back to before I met you
And leave it there.


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Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

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As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.