Skip to main content

For the Love of an Alpha Male

Throughout this process of moving and recovering from last week's surgery, I finally realized what it is about My Teddy Bear that vexes me -- he's not an Alpha male.

My family is (mostly) women, but the men who are there -- my brother, my uncle, even my cousins -- are men. They walk in, assess a situation, and handle it accordingly. We women might have input, but ultimately, the men that are around run the situation. We may not like the way they run it -- and we might complain mightily -- but they run it.

MTB doesn't do that. He may walk in and assess a situation, but he won't take charge. He waits for me. If you know me, you KNOW that's never good. Don't get it twisted -- I'm a leader and if it's something I know and understand, I can and frequently do take charge. But I realized that I am subconsciously trained to let a man take the lead in other situations. My brand of feminism is about being strong enough to take a step back. No matter how long I live on the northern side of the Mason-Dixon line, I am a Southern woman through and through.

So my Southern sensibilities meeting his Northern "women can do the same things that men can do" attitude isn't working out that well. When it's just us doing what we do, it's fine. But when there are situations that need him to have a take-charge attitude, there's a problem.

New Boo was Spanish. The machismo he operated under was perfect for me. Granted, his was a little overboard for my taste, but I understood it and it made me feel safe. I never had any fear about anything with him because I knew he could protect me. He was able to do and fix anything, and that gave me comfort. He broke me in ways that I still haven't healed from, but I appreciated his way.

My mother wasn't impressed with MTB. In addition to his size and look, she didn't understand his lack of Alpha maleness. She said to me, "I know he wants to marry you, but..." as she shook her head.  It took me a minute to understand what she meant, but now I understand.

It is completely over between New Boo and I, and unless God Himself makes it happen, we will probably never cross paths again. I hate that, but I know it's for the best. I miss him, but I know it's for the best.

My Teddy Bear is a good man. I don't know just how good he'll ultimately be for me. At this point, I know we're still learning each other so I don't want to make any definitive statements. However, I know he's gonna have to step up for me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Baby...

I heard from The Baby today. The Baby is a young man I met at work. Nice enough guy...he's 29...new to the radio game...and tall and lanky like I like 'em. He showed up at our studios because he was caught in the throes of his format's contract negotiations. When I saw him, I was kinda speechless. Not because he was cute -- he was -- but because I NEVER see other chocolate faces at my job. The conversation we had was one part interesting, one part amusing, but completely charming. Even though my interest in him was purely professional, we exchanged numbers. See, in addition to working as a radio engineer, he also has the inside track to this weekly show I like. For me, that was it. We exchanged a few texts, but nothing major. Then, one day he said that we should hang out. Since I'm always down for an adventure, I accepted. We ended up spending the day at the beach. We had a good time, but there were some definite red flags for me... For one, he didn't tip ...

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone. That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not! My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day. More than that, she came with the very mentality th...

To Cook or Not to Cook

I was having a discussion with a couple of friends about whether or not a woman should be required to cook for a man. My girlfriend and I pretty much agree that we have to be inspired to bust a move with the pots and pans. In this day and age where the men we've encountered feel entitled to certain privileges, we believe that he has to do more than just call us a couple of times and come over to kick it to earn a MackDiva-licious meal. On the flip side, the brother we were talking to said he didn't really want to get serious with a woman whose idea of a culinary feat was tacos. We asked him whether he'd cook for his woman. His response? "Well, if I really wanted to impress her, I'd throw it down with my jerk chicken recipe." Upon further examination, we discovered that his need to impress was in direct correlation to some form of inspiration from the woman. At the end of the day, both men and women want a lot of the same things. However, because we speak diffe...