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Ugh...Why?

Why don't hearts do what you want? You'd THINK my heart would be on board with someone who wants to love me. But no...my heart wants to revisit the past.

New Boo wants to see me. I want to see him. Ugh.

I have no business seeing him. I know that seeing him won't solve anything. I know that. And yet...

I want to see him SO bad. I know without a doubt that no good can come from it. I don't know if I'll be so disgusted that I start kicking him, or if I'll just dissolve into a puddle of tears. I don't know what would happen.

I've worked so hard to be whole. I don't know that it's worth it for me to risk becoming undone again.

Of course, none of this would be an issue if things were better between me and My Teddy Bear.

That fool doesn't realize just how close he is to being single. I am TIRED of being with a man who thinks sex is optional. I do NOT appreciate it.

I saw a blog today from a divorced guy who's sharing his story to keep other people from getting divorced. Almost everything he talks about applies to MTB. It was almost creepy how similar they are. Check it out here.

Right now...I'm just trying to figure out my life.

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I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.