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Ugh...Why?

Why don't hearts do what you want? You'd THINK my heart would be on board with someone who wants to love me. But no...my heart wants to revisit the past.

New Boo wants to see me. I want to see him. Ugh.

I have no business seeing him. I know that seeing him won't solve anything. I know that. And yet...

I want to see him SO bad. I know without a doubt that no good can come from it. I don't know if I'll be so disgusted that I start kicking him, or if I'll just dissolve into a puddle of tears. I don't know what would happen.

I've worked so hard to be whole. I don't know that it's worth it for me to risk becoming undone again.

Of course, none of this would be an issue if things were better between me and My Teddy Bear.

That fool doesn't realize just how close he is to being single. I am TIRED of being with a man who thinks sex is optional. I do NOT appreciate it.

I saw a blog today from a divorced guy who's sharing his story to keep other people from getting divorced. Almost everything he talks about applies to MTB. It was almost creepy how similar they are. Check it out here.

Right now...I'm just trying to figure out my life.

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Yeah...About That...

I'm watching Scandal, and Mellie was talking about how lonely it is to be the president. She spoke about how men have a problem with regular powerful women, but being the leader of the free world comes with a chastity belt.
I get it.
I'm nowhere near the leader of the free world. I'm not even the leader of free lunch, but I get it. If men perceive you to have one more drop of power than they do, they can't handle it.
This is my life. At least it is when it comes to the men I've known.
It's not even like that for me.
I don't even have enough juice to get what I want at work.
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Yeah...right.

Ah Ha!

I didn't do it. It wasn't entirely my fault. New Boo got a whiff of my new thought process and decided I wasn't worth the trouble. And what was it that rubbed him the wrong way?

I told him that I finally saw Jay-Z in a different light because I could see his grown man thought process. That made him mad because he thought I was "starstruck." Considering what I do for a living, that's the LAST thing on my mind. I told him that I liked the way he made up his mind to move away from the mistakes of his youth. His thought was that he could only do that because he had money.

On the contrary. If Jay still had the same mentality he had as a younger man, he might be rich, but he wouldn't have his family. New Boo wants to use anything as an excuse to be a bum. Not my problem, right?

So the foolishness that almost happened didn't. I'm thankful.

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She missed everything.

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