Skip to main content

Another Friday Night...

My period is here. I don't think I've ever been happier to see it.

I was supposed to be going out, but things didn't work out (again) with Tinderfella. I'm beginning to think that my mom was right -- he's cheap. That's okay. I'm not pressed about it either way. If we eventually go, fine. If not, I'm good, too.

Tinderfella doesn't realize this about me, but I can and will lose interest quickly -- especially if I think you're not as interested in something as I am. I'm on the verge of being through with him. And it doesn't help that I'm not physically attracted to him.

That's why I'm back on Tinder.

Please understand -- I don't think I'm ready to date again. But I'm lonely and need something to do. So I'm swiping left and right, hoping that my Mr. Wonderful will be there and be willing to pull me out of my funk.

Tinderfella thinks I might love him. He's REALLY got life mistaken at this point.

Honestly, I'm still in love with New Boo. Well...that's not quite true. I'm in love with the representative he presented to me -- not the person he actually is. I'm still finding it hard to get past that particular lie.

And if I'm really, REALLY honest, I think my heart is about to shut down to the possibility of love. I don't want to, but I swear it's getting easier and easier to see myself alone. Not that I want to be. I just don't know if God will bless me with someone.

I know in my heart that God loves me and wants me to be happy. I also know that He's not going to give me any foolishness. But I sometimes wonder if I've messed up too much for Him to bless me in that department. Again...I know it's not biblical, but I do sometimes wonder.

The more I'd like to think that New Boo was heaven-sent, I realize now that he was a distraction. He was needed to get me away from The Man Formerly Known as The One. But then he changed...turned into a Dr. Jekyll, and I didn't see it coming.

Tinderfella is the one who looks good on paper, but the sex is whack and I can't deal with his hips or the fact that I'll probably never be a priority in his life.

Maybe I just want too much -- a smart, honest, loyal man who's beautiful inside and out. Ugh.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Yeah...About That...

I'm watching Scandal, and Mellie was talking about how lonely it is to be the president. She spoke about how men have a problem with regular powerful women, but being the leader of the free world comes with a chastity belt.
I get it.
I'm nowhere near the leader of the free world. I'm not even the leader of free lunch, but I get it. If men perceive you to have one more drop of power than they do, they can't handle it.
This is my life. At least it is when it comes to the men I've known.
It's not even like that for me.
I don't even have enough juice to get what I want at work.
But yet I'm seen as intimidating. 
Yeah...right.