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What I Want

I want a family. Not just a baby -- a husband and a child.

My 45th birthday is fast approaching. One of my New Year's resolutions was to either have a baby or be pregnant by now. New Boo had said he wanted a family, so we were trying. Then he stopped. I didn't really ask because we were going through so much financially that I understood. Of course, I didn't know it was the beginning of the end.

For the majority of this year, I've been dealing with loss. First it was the loss of The One Formerly Known as The One. Then my friend's mom died. Then New Boo left me. And you know about This Fatal Summer. So it didn't make sense to bring a baby into this environment. But as this milestone creeps up on me faster than I wanted it to, I'm reminded of that want of mine.

A friend of mine asked me why I don't have kids -- and what was I waiting on. When I said I wanted to get married, she looked at me and said, "Marriage went out in the 80s." She then called her grown daughter over and said, "This chick says she wants to get married before she has babies." Her daughter's response was, "That ain't in style no more."

So...have my dreams gone out of style? Have I really waited that long?

Or is God using me and my situation for His glory? Honestly, that's the only thing I can deal with because anything else would make it hard to get out of bed every day.

So I wait...

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