Skip to main content

Oh Boy...

So...I reached out to New Boo. With all this madness going on with me, I decided to stop wondering about him and just find out if he's okay.

Clearly he is.

I told him I missed him in one text. He said he missed me, too. Then I reached out to him yesterday to tell him that I made tacos -- one of his favorites -- and to say Happy Labor Day. We spoke about him working at his new job, but he was clearly not glad to hear from me, so I let the conversation drop.

I still love him.

He still doesn't love me.

And we move on with our lives.

What I wouldn't give not to care. But I do...and I'm kinda messed up right now.

Oh...and Tinderfella hasn't been heard from. What he doesn't really understand is that I need way more from him than he's able to give right now. He doesn't understand that I need attention in order to stay interested. Now understand -- the bad sex already has me not on the edge with him. If he wants to pull me back in, he's going to have to give me some of what I need.

When he finally hit me up late Monday evening -- after telling me Saturday that he needed to hurry home -- the moment was gone. Apparently something is wrong with his phone. I don't know. All I know right now is that I'll be going out of town for the weekend, which means that I won't have to come up with an excuse not to have sex with him again. Yay me!

I've GOT to get myself together. For real.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.