Skip to main content

Oh Boy...

So...I reached out to New Boo. With all this madness going on with me, I decided to stop wondering about him and just find out if he's okay.

Clearly he is.

I told him I missed him in one text. He said he missed me, too. Then I reached out to him yesterday to tell him that I made tacos -- one of his favorites -- and to say Happy Labor Day. We spoke about him working at his new job, but he was clearly not glad to hear from me, so I let the conversation drop.

I still love him.

He still doesn't love me.

And we move on with our lives.

What I wouldn't give not to care. But I do...and I'm kinda messed up right now.

Oh...and Tinderfella hasn't been heard from. What he doesn't really understand is that I need way more from him than he's able to give right now. He doesn't understand that I need attention in order to stay interested. Now understand -- the bad sex already has me not on the edge with him. If he wants to pull me back in, he's going to have to give me some of what I need.

When he finally hit me up late Monday evening -- after telling me Saturday that he needed to hurry home -- the moment was gone. Apparently something is wrong with his phone. I don't know. All I know right now is that I'll be going out of town for the weekend, which means that I won't have to come up with an excuse not to have sex with him again. Yay me!

I've GOT to get myself together. For real.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He's Gone...For Real

My uncle died. He actually ceased to live. I don't know how to handle this. Even though he was my mother's brother, he was so much more than that to me. He was the coolest cat on the block, He set the standard that every man had to meet. He was the one I compared every man in my life to. For all intents and purposes, he was my de facto dad. I am stunned. I feel like someone knocked the wind out of my body. I grew up watching him. If he sat up straight, I wanted to sit up straight. I once caught him standing up to pee. I thought I'd do that when I grew up, too. (You can just imagine that conversation). That's the thing...he never shied away from my craziness. When I discovered what a father was -- at the tender age of five -- I purposed in my heart to find one for myself. I asked every man I knew, including him, if they'd be my daddy. He said, "I can't be your dad. I'm your uncle." When I pressed, he gently explained that he already had a significan...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Middle Aged Rant

I am single. I’ve never had a husband. I’ve never given birth to a child. I’ve never lived with a man over six months. I am 54. I’m not classically pretty. I’m overweight. I’m not very tall. My brother says I’m a unicorn. My friends are kind enough not to make me feel small. My mother mentions in passing that she wants me to find a husband. I try not to be sad about my state. I’ve lived a life that some would find enviable. I had my dream job, met and interviewed great people, made great friends, and traveled all over the world. I have a new career that I find oddly fulfilling. Men don’t always like that. Some of them are jealous because I’m not easily impressed. Some are jealous because I’ve done things they haven’t. Some are jealous because I’ve lived on both coasts. I don’t know what to do. I can’t change my life – not that I want to. I can’t change my past – not that I want to. I can’t change myself –not that I want to. I just want someone to see me, not the image I present. I want...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Own My Tears

I own my tears. I used this as a hashtag on a Facebook post. I was talking about the movie, "The Fault in Our Stars." If you've seen it, you know what I mean, and I won't spoil it for you. Of course, you know me -- it's deeper than that. I need to say it out loud... I own my tears. New Boo meant the world to me. He really did. Our relationship meant the world to me. It really, really did. And now it's over and he's gone -- seemingly for good. That makes me cry more than I want to, and more than I have ever imagined I would. And while I hate it, I need to do this. I need to mourn this thing in its entirety because it has truly changed my life. I own my tears. I own the fact that I am hurt. I own the fact that I'm mourning a relationship that I wanted to work more than life itself. I wanted to be a part of a couple, and eventually a family. That may well happen for me one day. Today, though, it doesn't look likely. So yes, I cry. And you ...
1 comment
Read more