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Dating -- I Hate It

When it gets right down to it, I hate dating.

That's one of the many things I cry about. When New Boo and I got together, I thought this part of my life was over. The dating part. I thought we'd be together, and that would be that.

Now I'm dating again. And I hate it.

I would do/give/be anything to just be off the market and safely ensconced in a relationship. I promise you I would.

Instead, I'm communicating with a man who sees nothing wrong with "pleasuring" himself three times a day to "relieve stress."

I. can't.

The sky is overcast today. When New Boo and I lived in the haunted house of horrors, most of the days were overcast. But our relationship brought light to my life. I loved us together, and I miss him tremendously.

But the reality of the situation is that I don't know what was real with him. His lies have tainted what could be happy memories of us. I don't know what was going on and I don't know what I can hold on to at any given time.

So many times, I feel so stupid for being upset. Not because I don't think I should, but as my friend said, "I don't know why there are tears." I hate feeling that way.

Oh...and get this -- Mr. Pleasure Principle just dropped me as a match when I told him I wasn't sure how I felt about porn being a part of his life. Oh well....

See why I hate dating?

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I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

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Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.