Skip to main content

What Do You Need...

When a person dies, one of the first things people ask the survivors is, "What do you need?" It's a common question borne out of love for either the person who passed or the person who's left. Either way, it's a sincere question because people want to help.

Of course, when a relationship dies, there is no such outpouring of sympathy. After all, the person you were formerly linked to is still up and walking, so there is no physical death in the picture. And no matter how hurt you are, no one's going to equate it with the mourning that actually goes on when your hopes and dreams are cast into the sea, never to be spoken of again.

Now that my friend's mom is gone, I want be of assistance to her. But in my current state of fluctuating emotions, I almost feel useless. Of course, I'll do my best to suck it up because -- let's be honest -- who's REALLY checking for me and my foolish feelings at a time like this? And what kind of jerk would I be to try to impose them on any real situation?

To be clear, I KNOW my situation with New Boo isn't real. It ceased to be real when we broke up. But now it exists in my head where it has a whole new life. Honestly, it's worse for me now because I don't have any limits, no reality, to measure it against. All of my memories can live, move, and have being now. And when I replay them in my head, I become the judge and the jury on the whole relationship. I see where I was wrong. I see where I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I see how much blame I need to walk away with and how much of this situation belongs to him. And I can't do anything to stop what has become of us.

That's the ultimate issue -- the powerlessness I feel.

Here's what I really need. I need to get myself together and get my life back. I need to stop thinking that this failed relationship is the end of my life as I know it. I need to act like the chick I know I can be and stop wallowing in this foolishness.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A New Possibility?

If you've been reading EFTDOAD for any length of time, you've probably noticed that I haven't really talked about a man. By that, I mean a man of my own. What's really sad is that there hasn't been a man in my life for the entire time I've been writing this blog. I hate that. However, things may be looking up for me. One of my good friends hosts a forum in Los Angeles called " Battle of the Sexes ." This monthly event consists of guys and girls submitting questions anonymously to the moderators, with the answers being discussed in an open forum. It can get quite rowdy, and the discussions are always enlightening. For most of us, it's the first time we've really heard what members of the opposite sex think. I've been attending these Battles for a few months now. Even though I'm not a fan of mindless rhetoric, it's cool to be around some single people who can think and put together coherent sentences. The last couple of times I'v
There's always that one. The one person you'd change your entire life for if they asked you to. Whether it's the first man you ever loved, the first guy who saw you naked, or the first man to bring you flowers, if he said, "Marry me, and travel with me around the world," you'd quit your job and hop on the first thing smoking. Alas, I haven't met him yet. Actually...that's not true. I have met him. But he doesn't want me. So rather than admit that the one guy I'd leave it all for wouldn't be caught dead with me, I say we don't know each other. I read an article this week that I found to be very informative. It was talking about how men will use any woman who allows herself to be used. And while I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I don't want that kind of life, I recognized myself in all those women. I've been there. And there are times (like today) when it would be nice to have someone around...even if they're

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone. That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not! My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day. More than that, she came with the very mentality th