Skip to main content

Three Months Later...

Today makes three months since New Boo and I broke up. Here's what's going on...

He and I aren't really speaking.

Tinderfella is quietly making his way to the sidelines.

I am getting better.

I have to admit that yesterday was hard. I was with my friend as she started her online journey to find love. As we looked for a suitable profile picture that would show her beauty and character in one fell swoop, we ran across a picture that she took on her phone during a photo shoot. As we tried to figure out the date, I realized it was taken on a night when I'd asked him to come home. The last time I asked him to come home before we broke up. I couldn't stop myself from crying as I remembered how hurt I was that evening.

She couldn't understand the source of my tears. Honestly, I don't know if she ever understands when I cry over him.

Anyway, that started me on a downward spiral that was further acerbated by a call from a common friend of mine, hers, and formerly New Boo's. She won't call him a friend anymore because of all the foolishness he pulled.

The conversation actually started out via text, and when I told her I'd heard from him, she called. She told me, "Listen, the next time he calls, you call me and come over here. Don't be so available to him. Contrary to popular belief, people aren't always as busy as you think they are and they'll be more than willing to help you get past this thing with him." She went on to tell me that as smart, beautiful, and good-hearted as I am, I don't need to give him anymore room to use me.

You know I needed to hear all of that, right? And you KNOW it set off the water works in a major way. The ONLY thing that saved me from completely drowning was that we were sitting at a Starbucks in Harlem and I wasn't in the mood to be that transparent in public.

That call taught me one thing -- I'm not alone in this even though it feels like I am sometimes. And I needed to know that.

I'm trying to give myself permission to feel this thing the way I need to, but I feel like it gets worse when I do that. But if the saying that it gets darkest before the dawn is really true, the sun should be shining on this situation any day now.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.

My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.