Skip to main content

August 25, 2014 -- June 9, 2015

It is done.

New Boo & I didn't make a year, but our relationship is officially over. And please know, I fought for it until the very end.

With all that I knew about what kind of person he was and what our situation was, I still needed him to be a man and say, "I don't want this, I don't love you, etc." (Call me crazy, but I need to have the truth straight, no chaser.)

I said to him, "What exactly are we doing here? Because what's going on here -- the silences, the inconsideration, the uncertainty -- is not working for me. I need to understand exactly what it is you want so I can govern myself accordingly."

He hemmed and hawed. "I don't know."

Me: "Yes, you do. It's really simple. Either you want a relationship or you don't."

Him: "I don't want to lose you."

Me: "Oh, you'll lose me. You can't have it both ways. Either you're all the way in or you're all the way out. And if you're out, it's only fair that you let me know because I deserve to be able to find happiness, too."

Him: More hemming and hawing: "Well, what do you want?'

Me: "Sir, I never changed what I wanted. All of this foolishness is courtesy of YOU. So YOU need to tell me what it is you really want. Just be honest and tell me if you don't want this."

Him: "I don't want to hurt you."

Me: "All of this hurts me. You've dragged my heart around for the last month and a half so hurting me has already happened. The least you could do is be fair to me."

This type of thing went on for another 10 minutes or so. At one point I told him that I'd been going through all the pictures I had of us, trying to see if I could pinpoint where things went wrong. He told me that none of that was fake -- it was all real at the time. He wanted to end the conversation so he could go to bed, saying, "We can talk about it tomorrow." I'm like, "Uh, no because I've got to work. You've got to work, and my heart will be in limbo one more day. You need to come clean."

He finally said it. "I like you. I like being with you. But I don't want to be in a committed relationship with you."

You know how people always say to be careful what you ask for? I admit I'm guilty. Even though I knew it in my heart, and his actions had been saying it longer than I can even recall, it hurt like hell to know that after all the blood, sweat, and tears I poured into this relationship, it was over.

I admit that I probably handled it badly. I cried and cried and tried to get him to engage in a fight with me. Finally, he said, "Forget it." And THAT was when I knew it was really a done deal. Here I am fighting for something that's clearly over. When he said that, I told him to get out because he couldn't stay here if he wasn't my man. I thought I could handle him staying through the night, but the more I thought about it, the madder I got. Finally, I told him he had to go right then because I didn't want him here anymore.

He packed a little bag with some of his stuff, and took off in the night. I asked him to leave the keys, but I don't think he did. Either way, he didn't spend a peaceful night up in here.

And neither did I. I called two of my friends and cried to them. Eventually I went to sleep and then I woke up to write this.

I know that I'll get past this. I know that the sun will shine again. I just don't know when.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Baby...

I heard from The Baby today. The Baby is a young man I met at work. Nice enough guy...he's 29...new to the radio game...and tall and lanky like I like 'em. He showed up at our studios because he was caught in the throes of his format's contract negotiations. When I saw him, I was kinda speechless. Not because he was cute -- he was -- but because I NEVER see other chocolate faces at my job. The conversation we had was one part interesting, one part amusing, but completely charming. Even though my interest in him was purely professional, we exchanged numbers. See, in addition to working as a radio engineer, he also has the inside track to this weekly show I like. For me, that was it. We exchanged a few texts, but nothing major. Then, one day he said that we should hang out. Since I'm always down for an adventure, I accepted. We ended up spending the day at the beach. We had a good time, but there were some definite red flags for me... For one, he didn't tip ...

To Cook or Not to Cook

I was having a discussion with a couple of friends about whether or not a woman should be required to cook for a man. My girlfriend and I pretty much agree that we have to be inspired to bust a move with the pots and pans. In this day and age where the men we've encountered feel entitled to certain privileges, we believe that he has to do more than just call us a couple of times and come over to kick it to earn a MackDiva-licious meal. On the flip side, the brother we were talking to said he didn't really want to get serious with a woman whose idea of a culinary feat was tacos. We asked him whether he'd cook for his woman. His response? "Well, if I really wanted to impress her, I'd throw it down with my jerk chicken recipe." Upon further examination, we discovered that his need to impress was in direct correlation to some form of inspiration from the woman. At the end of the day, both men and women want a lot of the same things. However, because we speak diffe...

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone. That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not! My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day. More than that, she came with the very mentality th...