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Making Moves...

It's interesting to me how this thing is working.

I decided on Wednesday not to contact New Boo. So what did I wake up to yesterday? A hello text.

I have to admit that it made me feel good to know that he was kinda concerned about me.

We chatted for a minute, and then -- as usual -- he let the conversation drop at a critical point.

Normally I would've pressed him. This time, I didn't. I can't say I didn't care, but I can say that it wasn't as stinging as it has been.

I guess I'm moving on...

I decided that it's imperative that I get this house in order. I want to redecorate. Make it look like a single woman lives here. I'm gonna get slipcovers for the couch and the ottoman, and I'm going to do something with the walls.

If you've followed me for any length of time, you KNOW that decorating isn't my strong suit. It's actually something I've never been able to do. But this time, it's important. I have to let people know that this apartment is mine -- not mine and New Boo's. I have to let HIM know that the won't be able to come back here and get cozy again -- not without making some major changes in his lifestyle.

Basically, this is my declaration...


A new day has dawned in my home. While I don't know when I'll be ready to embrace that concept to its fullest, I'm determined to make moves in that direction.

Comments

JB said…
I wish there were a like button on your post. I would click it. My hope for you is that you spend some time, like your friend told you, letting yourself feel the way you feel and nurturing yourself. When I want to nurture myself, I take long walks with my dog, I sit a the computer and hug my cat, and I try to make my little spaces feel like a sanctuary. You take good care.

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I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.