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Clarity

I finally figured out what I was feeling.

The last time we talked, I had made tacos and was having a problem with missing New Boo. After I wrote that, he apparently had a problem missing me, too. Long story short, he came over and spent the night. Not a good look, but hey...things happen.

I was so confused after that. On one hand, I was glad to be missed. On the other hand, it wasn't our relationship he missed -- it was the relations. And as much as I miss that, it left me confused. I couldn't understand why I felt so bad about it...and then I got my period.

Sidebar -- I'm convinced that my mind goes through foolishness before my cycle. And when it finally comes, everything comes back into focus.

As much as I thought I wanted to have a tie to New Boo, that's not the one I want. If we can't have a full-fledged relationship, I refuse to have a "friends with benefits" situation with him. That's what he wants. If I give in, this heartbreak would be in vain.

Soooo...I'm going to take back my power and make him prove his love for me. If he can't do that, I'll let him go. It's just that simple.

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Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.