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Clarity

I finally figured out what I was feeling.

The last time we talked, I had made tacos and was having a problem with missing New Boo. After I wrote that, he apparently had a problem missing me, too. Long story short, he came over and spent the night. Not a good look, but hey...things happen.

I was so confused after that. On one hand, I was glad to be missed. On the other hand, it wasn't our relationship he missed -- it was the relations. And as much as I miss that, it left me confused. I couldn't understand why I felt so bad about it...and then I got my period.

Sidebar -- I'm convinced that my mind goes through foolishness before my cycle. And when it finally comes, everything comes back into focus.

As much as I thought I wanted to have a tie to New Boo, that's not the one I want. If we can't have a full-fledged relationship, I refuse to have a "friends with benefits" situation with him. That's what he wants. If I give in, this heartbreak would be in vain.

Soooo...I'm going to take back my power and make him prove his love for me. If he can't do that, I'll let him go. It's just that simple.

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The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…