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I wish that someone had a pill that would take away heartache. I'd probably become an addict right now.

My heart is just hurting right now. I realize that I want to belong to someone. I know that's not very pro-woman, but that's what I've always wanted. As I type this, I realize that it's what I've wanted all my life.

My mom, in her finite wisdom, gave me my father's name. Since she didn't marry him -- or allow me to have a relationship with him -- I've never lived in a home with people who shared my last name. While it doesn't seem like a big deal, it always put me a position to divorce myself from any family situation I was in.

Fast forward to now. I want to get married and take my husband's last name. To be clear, I probably wouldn't use it professionally. But as far as the household was concerned, I want us all to be on one accord.

One of the many things that New Boo told me was that it was going to be me and him. He also said that he wanted me to be his family. I believed him -- and I loved him for it. It made me happy to know that no matter what was going on with everyone else, he was my person.

But guess what? We weren't married. And he was able to divorce himself from our situation. The man who said he wanted it to be me and him flipped the script. He decided that it was every man -- or woman -- for him or herself.

Now I'm back to square one. And it hurts. And guess what? I can't go to him with this pain. And I want to. But what's the point?

Where is that pill??? I need it...


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The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…