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Mourning Doesn't Have a Timeframe...

Okay...so I'm finding out the hard way that the grief over losing this relationship is going to be as hard as mourning for Granny. Why? Because the tears hit at the oddest times.

After yesterday's revelations about what New Boo was saying, I thought I'd be good. I thought that when his name came up in mind, I'd be able to slap it down with phrases like, "He's a liar," or "I'm better off without him." But this morning, as I was coming home from work, I thought about his smile.

One thing about New Boo, he wasn't the happiest guy I'd ever known. So when he smiled, his face lit up and all was right in the world -- as far as I was concerned. But now, knowing what I know, I see that same smile as mocking. And it came to me while I was riding the bus. I thought about how happy he must be now that he doesn't have to be bothered with me, and it made me cry all over again.

I don't want to cry over him. I honestly don't think he's worth my tears. And yet, as I type this, my face is wet with all my hopes and desires and I can't help myself. My heart is so sore and I don't know what to do.

Of course, my plan was to pack up his stuff to expedite his exit from my life. If I can, I will. If not...I'll just cry. Ugh.

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…