Okay...so I'm finding out the hard way that the grief over losing this relationship is going to be as hard as mourning for Granny. Why? Because the tears hit at the oddest times.
After yesterday's revelations about what New Boo was saying, I thought I'd be good. I thought that when his name came up in mind, I'd be able to slap it down with phrases like, "He's a liar," or "I'm better off without him." But this morning, as I was coming home from work, I thought about his smile.
One thing about New Boo, he wasn't the happiest guy I'd ever known. So when he smiled, his face lit up and all was right in the world -- as far as I was concerned. But now, knowing what I know, I see that same smile as mocking. And it came to me while I was riding the bus. I thought about how happy he must be now that he doesn't have to be bothered with me, and it made me cry all over again.
I don't want to cry over him. I honestly don't think he's worth my tears. And yet, as I type this, my face is wet with all my hopes and desires and I can't help myself. My heart is so sore and I don't know what to do.
Of course, my plan was to pack up his stuff to expedite his exit from my life. If I can, I will. If not...I'll just cry. Ugh.
After yesterday's revelations about what New Boo was saying, I thought I'd be good. I thought that when his name came up in mind, I'd be able to slap it down with phrases like, "He's a liar," or "I'm better off without him." But this morning, as I was coming home from work, I thought about his smile.
One thing about New Boo, he wasn't the happiest guy I'd ever known. So when he smiled, his face lit up and all was right in the world -- as far as I was concerned. But now, knowing what I know, I see that same smile as mocking. And it came to me while I was riding the bus. I thought about how happy he must be now that he doesn't have to be bothered with me, and it made me cry all over again.
I don't want to cry over him. I honestly don't think he's worth my tears. And yet, as I type this, my face is wet with all my hopes and desires and I can't help myself. My heart is so sore and I don't know what to do.
Of course, my plan was to pack up his stuff to expedite his exit from my life. If I can, I will. If not...I'll just cry. Ugh.
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