Skip to main content

The Return of New Boo...and the Aftermath

Okay...I now see the dangers of having a secret blog is that no one reads it quickly enough to do what I ask. All I asked y'all to do was pray for me. Since none of you CLEARLY did that, New Boo's visit left me more confused than anything.

First of all, the things we established:

  • We still love each other.
  • We hate that we ended up like this.
  • We don't want to lose each other.

Things he established:

  • He's got to get himself together financially and emotionally.
  • As much as he loves me, he knows he's in no position to give me what I deserve.
  • His behavior was hurtful and he apologized.

Thing I'm confused about:

  • The state of our relationship.

He told me that he still wants to be with me, but he can't do it now. I'm like, "Well, what do you want me to do about that? In other words, what should I do if someone approaches me?" He said that I should go out with my friends and let the guys buy me drinks, and call him at the end of the night because "you know what you're getting here."

The bad part? I do...and I let him remind me when he was here. ***WHEW***

Here's the real killer -- I really don't want anyone else. I don't want to date anymore. I still want him to be the last one. But I don't think I should wait forever for him to get his life right.

So as I stated before -- y'all failed me because I'm just as twisted as I was before he got here.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.