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Lost???

He says he's lost.

Against my better judgement, I hit him up to say, "Happy Father's Day."

It took him a minute, but he hit me back and we had a conversation. My bad.

After telling me that he needed to come here and get some clothes, I asked if he was good. He said that he guessed. When I asked what that meant, he said, "I'm completely lost."

I asked, "Why do you feel that way? Isn't this what you wanted?"

He responded, "I don't know."

Note to self -- if you haven't completely thought out what you want, don't do anything to jeopardize what you currently have. The way I see it, it was cute to act a fool when you knew I was here for you. Now you know that I have absolutely no problem looking out for myself -- without you -- and you don't know how to take it.

Of course, his feelings could have absolutely nothing to do with me. Believe me, he's got enough to be lost about without including me in the mix. But you know me...I want it to be about me. I want him to feel lost without me. Like I feel without him.

My cousin has been in town this week, and it's been a welcome change. But she's leaving tomorrow, and I'm afraid that the emotions I've been fighting all week are going to come up again. And now that he's said this foolishness...

I just don't know.

Maybe we're both lost...

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…