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The Slow Motion

There's nothing uglier than watching someone you love NOT love you. What's worse is if they want to, but can't find it within themselves to do so. That's what I'm experiencing with New Boo these days.

After all we've been though the past month, it's been hard. I want it to work. He says he does, but I know it's a lie. At the end of the day, it's all about keeping a roof over his head for him. He doesn't have anywhere to go if I ask him to leave. What's worse, he can't afford to live alone. And he feels trapped. So he's been trying to make it work. And it's not working for him.

These past two days have been especially challenging for him. Last night, I busted him for changing his Facebook page -- and dropping me from it. He wasn't prepared for that at all. And my thing is this -- as much as I love him, I cannot deal with a liar and someone who doesn't want to be my friend. And that's exactly what that action proved. So I woke him up with the, "What are you going to do, because you can NOT stay here. New Boo I love. You I do not know, and I will NOT put up with a liar."

So NB did what anyone would do when faced with a possible eviction -- he groveled. And promised to try. And said that he loved me. But he doesn't really want to. So tonight he comes home, and he was so frustrated that he banged on the cabinet with his fist because the water was too hot. I've never seen him so agitated. And of course, he shut himself off from me. Again.

To make bad matters worse, I got an email titled, "12 Signs He Wants to Break Up with You." Of the 12 traits listed, New Boo was exhibiting 10 of them. And I told him. He's like, "I'm trying to do the right thing." But I'm like, "Right by whose standards? You're not happy. You don't want to be here, and it's no good for you to be unhappy because that does me no good." And he stood there and cried.

So it's completely over. I can't wait to see how this plays out.


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The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…