Skip to main content

"Not Everyone Will Love You..."

Granny said it best. "Not everyone will love you."

She told me that one day at the washateria -- or laundry mat, if you're not from Texas. It was in the 70s and we were there to wash clothes. There was another little girl there, and I wanted to play with her. She was being extremely unfriendly and off-putting, but I didn't realize it because I was so focused on my mission to play. Finally, Granny had enough and pulled me away, saying, "Leave that girl alone." I looked up and said, "I just wanted to play with her." And that's when she imparted that wisdom to me.

Oh, how I wish I had listened to her then.

As I've reflected on this situation with New Boo, I realize that for the past month and a half, I've been trying to engage him in a situation he's clearly not a part of. And while I've been focused on my mission of being loved, he's been equally focused on HIS mission of not loving me. And it wasn't until this very moment that I realized what was going on.

Believe me, I've got it now. Carry on...

Comments

JB said…
My heart aches for you. I really hope you can leave this guy behind and find peace for yourself. Your granny might take you in her arms when you were hurt. I hope so. You deserve that now.
MackDiva said…
Thank you. We finally broke up. Now the healing can begin, I hope.

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.