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Acceptance & Rejection, Part Two

As I reflect back on my relationship with New Boo, I realize there are so many ways that he never accepted me. He didn't think going to church was important, either.

Once, when we were really going through the roughness, I got up to go to church. He had told me that he was depressed, which was why he drank and wanted to smoke weed and stuff. So naturally, I invited him to go with me. He said, "Do I have to?" I told him that I'd never force him, but I added, "You're willing to try everything but Jesus, and He's in your budget." He just looked at me.

A little backstory -- I'm not one to wear my faith on my sleeve. However, it does inform my life in most ways. And while I never tried to force it on him, he knew how I felt about it. As for church, I haven't found a place in New York City that makes me feel at home. I'm still actively seeking, though.

That being said, I don't want to be with someone for the rest of my life that I can't share my faith with. And yes -- I knew that he wasn't into it when we got together. But his conversation made me think he'd be down with going with me.

The more I review our relationship, I realize so much of it was based on lies. In typical lowlife fashion, he said all the right things to make me think he was into me...that he loved me. And I ate it up -- hook, line, and sinker. I don't blame myself because he made it all sound so good.

But I tell you what -- I won't be so quick to believe the next man. I'll do my best not to get caught up next time.

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I heard from New Boo. After five months.

I had blocked his number. He got a new one. He texted me. I didn't know it was him until he said, "It's your favorite 6'5."

Why?

Why did he call? Why did I talk to him? Why did we fall into a conversation like nothing ever happened? And why do I feel crazy?

He does not want to be in my life. I don't want him in my life -- not unless he wants to REALLY be in my life.

I wish I could reconcile my heart with the facts. I hate that he's put me in this position.

Why can't he love me like I need him to?

Ugh.