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The Crossroads...

NOW he wants to talk.

Now that we're on the verge of getting him completely out of my life, he wants to talk to me.

When he NEEDED to talk to let me into his heart...he didn't have the time or the inclination to communicate with me.

New Boo says he wants to move forward with me, but only if we can do so without the grudges. In other words, he wants me to forgive him for all the foolishness he's done.

Can I do that? I don't know. Do I want to? I don't know.

It's always been said that a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. In other words, what you have in your hand is better than the possibility of something else. So if I decide to stay with New Boo, I know what I have with him. BC -- before the crazy -- he wasn't that bad. I was happy. I thought he loved me, and I was completely content with what we had.


Now I feel like his heart is fickle and can change at any given point. I feel like his love is only as true as he "feels" like it is. And he might choose at any given time to pack up his heart and take it elsewhere.

I normally don't tell my mom about my love life, but this thing has been so invasive that I've had to let her in on it. So I told her about this, and -- surprisingly -- she didn't fuss. Instead, she told me that I needed to make sure that he was real and ready before I let him back in.

We're talking tomorrow...


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Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

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As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

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