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Here We Go Again...

Why do I bother to watch TV?

"Mr. & Mrs. Smith" came on tonight. I thought it might be a good remedy to what's been ailing me today. What in the world could trigger tears in a nice action film?

Brad Pitt -- as John Smith -- said to Jane -- his now wife, Angelina Jolie -- "At the end, you start thinking about the beginning."

No truer words have been spoken. Especially when you start thinking that your whole relationship was a lie. 

So there I was...a mess. But I will say this...the crying spells are getting shorter. Whereas it used to take me about 20 minutes to get past a thing, it's only lasting about five now.

I am getting better.

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I can NOT believe what happened today.

I heard from New Boo. After five months.

I had blocked his number. He got a new one. He texted me. I didn't know it was him until he said, "It's your favorite 6'5."

Why?

Why did he call? Why did I talk to him? Why did we fall into a conversation like nothing ever happened? And why do I feel crazy?

He does not want to be in my life. I don't want him in my life -- not unless he wants to REALLY be in my life.

I wish I could reconcile my heart with the facts. I hate that he's put me in this position.

Why can't he love me like I need him to?

Ugh.