Skip to main content

What Just Happened Here?

What a difference 24 hours makes!

So when I left you yesterday, New Boo was miserable, and I was considering a date with someone else. What happened after that can only be described as insane.

I'm here working, singing, and trying to stay away and sane. At about 3:25am, I get a text from New Boo asking if I was up.

Now you must understand something. Unlike myself, New Boo goes to bed. I keep late hours. Not him. So I was shocked, to say the least. I was like, "Uh, yeah. Why are YOU up? Are you okay?" That's when he said that he couldn't sleep because he missed me. He was like, "Can I please come see you?" I didn't know what else to say, so I said yes.

Why did this fool show up here with bags? He brought his laundry and a couple of other things...like shoes. When he got in the door, he said he hadn't slept since he picked up his stuff the day before. Then he took me in his arms and cried, saying, "I'm so sorry."

Huh???

To say I was confused would be a complete understatement. Even though I knew he was just as miserable as I was, I didn't expect this. So he spent the night here, went to work, and came home after like he was supposed to before all of this madness.

You KNOW I had to know what was going on in his head. He told me that picking up his stuff made everything seem so final...like he'd never see me again, and he didn't like it.

So he's here...sleeping in the next room...and I'm up working. No singing tonight because he's a light sleeper and I'm wide awake because my thoughts are all in a swirl. Here's what I know...

  • I love him.
  • He loves me.
  • We don't need to live together right now.
  • But I don't like him living in other, unknown places.

Everything else is a blur. And it's crazy and strange and wonderful and scary all at the same time.

And lest I forget the other guy, he's been on a full-court press all day. He's been texting me, saying how he loves my smile and that he can't stop thinking about me.

The LAST thing I need right now is to drag someone else into my personal drama. So I'm going to call him tomorrow and explain my situation. I don't know if that's the right step to take, but I don't want to string him along because he seems nice.

This is SO complicated right now...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.